Episode 27 – Now We Are Forty

My birthday was yesterday, but my warrenty ran out a looooooong time ago. In the last forty years, I have…

• Split my scalp (I was jumping on the bed, missed, and landed on my noggin; I know, explains a lot, doesn’t it?)
• Smashed my middle finger in a weight machine (not fun)
• Ended up in the emergency room puking my guts up four times over a gall stone no one could find (but my mother knew it was there!)
• Had surgery to remove gall stone no one could find (damn thing turned out to be as large as my thumbnail)
• Broken my nose
• Broken my ribs… twice
• Screwed up my right knee (my husband’s fault – he mistook me for a 900 lb. gorilla and attacked me)
• Screwed up my left knee (someone else’s fault – apparently they also thought I was a 900 lb. gorilla)
• Screwed up my right knee again (completely random sparring accident – my opponent did NOT think I was a gorilla, but did get her leg tangled in mine during the match)
• Fractured my sternum (once again, someone mistook me for a gorilla, only this time I must have weighed 1800 lbs. given how hard I got hit)
• (BTW, these last six injuries all happened during martial arts classes, in case you haven’t guessed.)
• Had a c-section (for Princess)
• Had a VBAC – Vaginal Birth After C-section (for Pixie, and I split right up the front into the naughty bits when she came out!)

I’m pretty sure I’ve done some other things to myself, or been injured by others who have feared my inner gorilla, but these things are too numerous to be recalled. In any event, what I’m trying to say is, I’m damned lucky to still be alive!!

There will probably be a two-week break between this episode and the next. It’s not that I don’t love you all, but this weekend I’ve got a 3-day karate camp to attend (yay! more opportunities to get injured!) and the next week I’m headed out to Las Vegas for EPICon 2009. If you’re planning on attending EPICon, I should be doing a panel on podcasting for writers. And yes, I will be wearing my horns, so you’ll know me when you see me };)

Until the next episode, see ya!!