Category: The Adventures Of Cynical Woman

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I was sooooooooo tired before, during and after Marscon. I was up late Thursday night getting ready, then up late Friday and Saturday night doing panels, and then there was this damned room party right across from our room that kept spilling out into the hall. You know a party is a real classy event when the people have moved to the hallway because they’re waiting for someone to clean up the puke in the room.

Anyway, mid-way through Saturday, while Mich and I were sitting at my table in the artist/author alley, she reached over and tweaked one of my horns, then declared, “They’re soft!” It all seemed so… weirdly sexual, like I had somehow forgotten to take my “Viagra for Devil Horns” and been caught wanting in the hardness department. So I filed the idea away for later to make into a cartoon.

Speaking of tired, did you notice the very obvious mistake in the cartoon above? I drew this right after getting back from Marscon, thus my “boo-boo.”

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For those of you who don’t recognize the character speaking to me, that’s Mich. She’s never had a formal introduction in the cartoon, but she has shown up here a number of times, starting with last year’s cookie season. Mich is a life-long Girl Scout, an engineer, an avid and fantastic knitter, and the official keeper of my brain at conventions. She’s also become my manager this year as we attempt to move career more and more into cartooning and art.

Mich and I went to Marscon this past weekend and we had a fun time. In addition to the usual adults-only panels I worked on (speculative fiction erotica, repopulating the world after the apocalypse, zombies in love), I also got to be a panelist on a couple of podcasting, digital art and webcomic panels. Many thanks to Barb Fischer for inviting me to participate in the latter. Yes, I am a webcomic artist, but it’s only been recently that I’ve been more known for the webcomics than for the erotica writing and podcasting. I expect I’ll be doing more webcomic panels at more cons in the future.

I also had a table in the artist/author alley at Marscon, where I sold several copies of Mustachequerade and the new Zombie Valentine (the Zombie Valentine is available on Zazzle if you want to get one!). I sold NO books, which doesn’t surprise me. It’s not that my books aren’t good. They are good, but they are for a niche audience (adults interested in sci-fi, fantasy, and horror erotica), and the print versions certainly cost more than the ‘zine ($1) or greeting cards ($3) that I brought. It was just far easier for people to buy those things, and I ended up making more money selling those two items than I have ever made selling books at a convention. This is one of the reasons why I’m moving more into the cartooning and art and spending less time on the writing. I will continue to write, but it’s far easier for me to sell the art, and frankly, it’s easier for me to produce the art as well. And frankly, I just enjoy cartooning more than anything else!

Overall, Marscon went very well. Now Mich and I are looking forward to Farpoint in February. I start working on Mustachequerade 02 this week, as well as a Zombie Easter card, and plan to have both of those in time for Farpoint. I have been assured I will have table space at the con, so if you’re going to be there, stop by and see me!

Oh, and I should point out, today’s cartoon was drawn on my iPad, using an app called Adobe Ideas. It’s as close to pen and ink drawing as I can get on the iPad. It’s not the perfect solution for drawing the cartoon on the go, but it’s the closest I’ve come so far! Adobe Ideas draws in vector format, but acts like a pen and ink program. So I can cartoon the way I’m used to, but scale the drawing up or down to any size with no loss of quality!

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Some of you may remember that last year I was the cookie mom for Princess’ Girl Scout troop. Well, guess what? I’m cookie mom again this year! AND this year Pixie is in Girl Scouts too, but in a different troop because she’s a Daisy. Before you ask, no, I did not volunteer to be cookie mom for two troops. I’m not that crazy. But I am now faced with the prospect of taking two little girls door-to-door through our neighborhood to sell Girl Scout cookies, and then delivering them again later on, which means I’m going to have to be careful not to get Pixie’s cookies mixed up with Princess’ cookies and vice versa, all while keeping track of cookies and money for Princess’ entire troop. So yeah, I am at least that crazy.

Anyway, moving on. You may have noticed that this week’s “Adventures of Cynical Woman” is showing up on Monday instead of it’s usual Tuesday spot. That’s because things are changing. I’m switching gears this year to devote a lot more time to art and cartooning, and part of doing so means tightening up the blog schedule. Instead of doing “Move It Mama Monday” on Mondays, I’ll be posting the web comic instead. On Wednesdays, I’ll post “Rats!” instead of “WIP Wednesday.” And on Fridays, I’ll continue to post “Flashback Friday,” which will be about artwork I’ve found in old sketchbooks of mine. There will be the occasional announcement post about any upcoming events like conventions, or about new products available in the Zazzle store, or about any stories I get published, etc. But otherwise I’m sticking to the cartoons and art posts for this year. My hope is that if I get fast enough with the cartoons, I’ll be able to post more of them as time goes by, but I’m going to have to work up to that. As for “Move It Mama Monday” and “WIP Wednesday,” those will no longer be regular features on the blog. I know some folks really enjoyed “Move It Mama Monday,” but I haven’t really had anything new to say about exercise and fitness in a while, and when I do, it’s usually something I’d rather say in the web comic anyway.

So, there will be changes here, starting this week. And you’ll see more stuff showing up in the store. And if you see me at conventions this year, like at Marscon this coming weekend, you may see some new stuff there as well. It’s all good. It’s part of a grand scheme, and I think this time next year, we’ll all be able to look back and realize this transition to more serious cartooning was the best thing ever!

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Due to certain unforeseen circumstances, it may be another week or so before I get back to my regular blogging schedule. I didn’t even get “Rats!” up last week because of the events depicted in today’s comic. I will post the regular Cynical Woman comics and “Rats!” all this month, and hopefully be back to a semi-normal schedule by the end of January, but in addition to my recent illness, I’ve also just entered Girl Scout cookie season and today I’m up to my assets in spread sheets and calendars, getting ready for sales to start on Saturday. Oh, and convention season starts next week, with Marscon being the first con on my schedule this year. If you’re going to be in Williamsburg, VA, from 13-15 January, stop by and see me! I’ll be talking about writing, podcasting, speculative fiction erotica and, of course, web comics.

So anyway, I hope you all had a happy New Year. I know that I at least got an early start on one resolution – lose 10 pounds. I’m almost halfway there already!

BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERGH!!!

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It was like the weirdest game of live-action Frogger ever. There we were, happily driving down the highway, on our way to see “Hugo” (great movie, by the way), when out of nowhere this froggy potty leaps out at us, forcing my mom to run over it with her SUV. It made this horrendous noise, like it was tearing the engine apart with its plastic molded froggy paws. Then the noise stopped. Then the noise started again, only different, and this time the car started to slow down, and it got slower and slower and slower… We barely made it to the movie theater parking lot, where my mom parked and we all jumped out to survey the damage. And there he was, stuck in the wheel well – a child’s froggy potty covered in black goop.

And yes, my dad did actually say the line in the last panel. That’s my dad! Now you know where I get it from.

My family is visiting for another day or so, and then I hope to get back to regular work, but I’m not making any promises for this week. I’ve got to get started on some stuff for Girl Scouts. Cookie season is rapidly approaching, as well as Thinking Day, and I’m in charge of both this year. Plus Marson is coming up, and I’ve got a lot to get ready for that. But someone very nice has offered to help me out with all three of these events, so I should be good. Right, Mich?

Anyway, this is the last Cynical Woman cartoon for the year. I’ll see if I can get Rats! up on Thursday, and then I won’t see you again until next year. Have a good one!

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Yes, this actually happened. Normally this would not happen, as the girls usually wake up before Hubster and I can get started. When that happens, he takes them downstairs, feeds them breakfast, and turns on Sponge Bob Squarepants. The moment I hear, “Are ya ready, kids?!” I sit up in bed and shout, “Aye-aye, Captain!”

Sponge Bob = Best. Aphrodisiac. EVAAAAAAAAAAH!

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Both Princess and Pixie have become quite the negotiators at dinner time, and it’s driving me nuts. For years now, I’ve had to argue over how many spoonfuls of vegetables equals one dessert. It doesn’t help that I myself am picky about the vegetables I eat. Only my best friend, Mary, knows how to cook brocolli in such a way that I will actually eat it, stem, flourettes and all!

Things are getting busy here at Cynical Woman Central. I’ve been working on more t-shirt designs, including the Zombie Goth Mermaid. I’m hoping to do a series of goth/steampunk t-shirts and prints, so you’ll be seeing signs of that in the not-too-distant future. Right now, I have two t-shirts for sale in the Cynical Woman Zazzle shop, along with cards, postage stamps, iPad cases, jewelry and other goodies. If you’re so inclined, feel free to visit the shop and browse. All proceeds from that shop go right into paying for more graphics software and hardware so I can produce even more cartoons and cool stuff.

Have fun this week, and don’t forget to eat your vegetables!!

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Oh yeah! Mama’s got a new do! It was high time, too. In spite of all the fabulous color in my hair, it was looking pretty sad. Yeah, I know, it was at least partly the bleaching that I did. But it was also partly the fact that I’ve hit my mid-forties, and my hormones have gone all wonky, and wouldn’t you know it, that affects my hair big time too.

So I went to my hairdresser and told her to lop a bunch of it off. I had recently been watching Farscape and had noticed how much I liked Chianna’s hair style, so I told her I wanted something similar to that. And yes, geek gal that I am, I did bring in a big pic of Chianna to show my hairdresser exactly what I meant. She didn’t even bat an eye.

What she did do was say, “No, I’m just going to do whatever I do,” and then she sat me down in the chair and started cutting. This ended up working out pretty well. She took off a good four inches, cutting based on how my hair curls, waves, and lies on my head. When she was done, there was this huge pile of pink, purple and blue hair on the floor. It looked like someone had shaved a punk version of Lassie. But that was okay, because I was left with a light, breezy look that I am now thoroughly enjoying.

Apparently this was such a drastic change that Pixie did not recognize me at all when I went to pick her up at school. This despite the fact that I am the only parent who shows up with pink, purple and blue hair. But she finally accepted the change and went home with me, so I guess we’re okay.

Now onto other, important news…

We have a Steampunk section in the Zazzle store!!!!!

Yessirree! I finally finished the steampunk themed artwork I’ve been slaving over all month and posted it in the Zazzle store. It was so good, I made it into Christmas cards, prints, stamps, a t-shirt and more! Plus all the other stuff is there too, including my Zombie Santa card! So pop on over and take a look. Zazzle offers sale codes on a regular basis, just look at the top of the page and you’ll see what the current special is. Support your local Cynical Woman and help her conquer the world of merchandising! Yay!

Click on the thumbnail above to see the full-size version.

Oh yeah, do I have the flu. That’s the reason why today’s cartoon is late. I managed to get this drawn, inked and lettered whilst lying in bed yesterday, but then couldn’t figure out how to drag my sick ass out of bed, down stairs and up a second set of stairs to get into the office to scan this in. I seriously considered just grabbing the camera I had stashed in my nightstand and taking photos of the cartoon to upload for today, rather than try to make it to my scanner to do this job properly. I was that sick, folks.

The good news is today I feel much better. Yesterday I felt like someone wearing hob-nail boots was stomping on my back while simultaneously trying to chew through my head horizontally with a chain saw. My face and my teeth hurt like you wouldn’t believe! A friend of mine on Twitter who apparently had the same flu said he kept thinking his face was going to explode, then he hoped it would explode just so the pain would go away. That’s exactly how I felt.

So I spent most of yesterday in bed, letting the kids watch as much TV as they wanted while I tried to remain unconscious (bad mama!). Hubster got home from work, got the kids fed, checked homework and put them to bed. Then he applied some TLC to me by renting “Paul” for me to watch while I lay dying on the couch. In spite of my severe facial pain, I did manage to laugh through the whole movie. I highly recommend it.

I’m much better today, but I slept until noon, and wasn’t dressed and fed until just half an hour ago. Now I’m up and moving and I feel rather woozy sitting here at the computer trying to get all my cartoons set up for the week. Hubster has promised to come home early so we can get the girls and then take us all to see “Puss In Boots.” I expect I will doze through that, no matter how sexy Antonia Banderas is. But the kids say they won’t go without me, so I’m going.

Hopefully I’ll be back to my normal, bitchy self by the end of the week. In any case, here is today’s cartoon, drawn while I was dying from the flu. You should not catch the flu by enjoying this cartoon, but if you do, not my fault!

By the way, if you love me and you want me to feel better, don’t forget to stop by the Cynical Woman Zazzle shop and buy Zombie Santa Christmas cards!! Yeah, whoooaaaa! Zombie Santa! Or buy something else that I made there as a gift for somebody! I know there’s not a ton of stuff in the shop yet, but if you like robots or zombies, or octopi with gears for brains, then there’s something there you want to buy. Support the Cynical Woman with the flu! Or she will give you her cooties of doooooooooooom!!!!!!

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There’s not exactly a punch line to today’s cartoon. But this really did happen. I didn’t get much breakfast on Friday morning before heading out the door, and by the time I was done with my morning water aerobics class and getting ready to head for the library, I was famished. So I bought the oatmeal, tucked it into my pocket and headed straight for the back of the library where I knew I could eat it in peace and quiet. I always bring coffee with me, because I like to have a cup of coffee when I work in the mornings, but the oatmeal was something I normally wouldn’t do. I have to admit, I don’t like bringing food into the library. I think too many people do it and they leave a mess and don’t bother cleaning up after themselves. And of course, sneaking food in can lead to some unexpected problems…

I did manage to get the oatmeal out of my pocket, though for a few minutes I thought I was going to have to it it straight out of the pocket then scrunch up the empty carton so I could pull it out and throw it away. Won’t be doing this again. As Mich pointed out, I should have just spent a few minutes in Starbucks eating the oatmeal there, but I was so intent on getting to my happy place in the library, I was willing to be stupid.

Speaking of my happy place at the library, I learned years ago that if I really wanted to get work done, the place to go is the library. There’s this one desk in the back that’s right next to an outlet, and the desk has those walls on the side so I’m shielded from nosy onlookers and I can sit and work to my heart’s content. I’ve been doing this off and on for years, and just recently started going back to the library for “regular office hours.” I’ve been there every Monday and Friday this month, working on my NaNoWriMo project, which is shaping up into… something. It’s more like pre-writing or outlining than a novel, but it’s that important first step in novel creation so I’m pleased with the results. As of this Monday morning, I’d written almost forty-six thousand words. My plan is to finish off those last four thousand words before we leave today to head to DC for the week.

I WILL NOT HAVE INTERNET CONNECTION DURING THE REST OF THIS WEEK BECAUSE I WILL BE IN DC!! I just thought I’d mention that. I’m going to be at my in-laws and they only have dial-up there and it’s not worth going down to the basement which is where I think I’d have to go to connect, so I’m just going to be offline for the rest of the week. I have all my blog posts for the week planned out except for the PerCaDraMo entries. I’ll continue to do a cartoon a day while I’m away, but you won’t see the drawings for Tuesday through Saturday until after I get home. Sorry!

Have a great Thanksgiving, and if you must sneak a turkey into the library to eat it, make sure it’s small enough to fit into, and get out of, your jacket pocket. Salud!