ACW Episode 54 – Snow days!

By now everybody knows the eastern side of the US is buried in snow. It hit here very late Friday night and kept coming down until Saturday evening. We got 8 inches in all. 8 inches! We never get snow around here. Certainly not that much snow.

But we got it, and of course the kids wanted to go out to play the moment they woke up… at 5:45AM when it was still dark out. We had to send them back to bed repeatedly before Hubster and I finally gave up and crawled downstairs to fix breakfast and continue to ignore pleas to go play outside until we’d had our morning cup of whatever.

So we had snow Saturday, and it was still here Sunday, and still here yesterday, and today we’re supposed to get snow and freezing rain. I’ve been stuck in the house with both kids and the Hubster and I’m about to go out of my cotton-pickin’ mind! I love my family, but we’re rarely in such close quarters for so long, and trying to keep the kids occupied while they’re home from school is exhausting.

But so far, we’ve managed. In fact, in addition to playing out in the freezing cold, we’ve baked a pie, worked on our sewing projects, played lots of games and begun work on a mummy. Princess got a “Make Your Own Mummy!” kit for Christmas and this seemed like the ideal time to start it. It’s all pouring of plaster into casts and then painting the finished product to look like the picture on the box, etc., etc., etc. This is going to take a few weeks to finish.

Anyway, I will be heading out today. I have a mammogram scheduled for this morning, and neither rain nor sleet nor snow will keep my from my appointed appointment to have my boobs squashed.

Yes, I am that desperate to get out of the house. Have fun ya’ll!

ACW Episode 53 – Sleepwear (plus how to make a comic strip)

Just one more example of how exciting the life of an erotica writer really is 😉

I thought I might show you all how I put together the Adventures of Cynical Woman web comics. I’m sure you’re all just fascina– Hey! Get back here! I’m not done talking to you yet!

Where was I? Oh yes, how I put the comic strips together. First, I need an idea. This week’s idea was inspired by an e-mail interview I did with a journalist who wanted to know how I write erotica. I mentioned that some nights I curl up in bed with my laptop to write my stories, but that wasn’t nearly as sexy as it sounded because I always wear flannel PJs and tuck a heating pad under my feet. This particular erotica author does NOT like to be cold.

So I had my idea. Next, I needed to script it out and draw a quick thumbnail sketch of what the panels would look like. I do this step in a notebook I keep just for the cartoons. Here’s what the idea sketch and script look like.

Very fascinating, right? Right! Anyway, once I know what I’m writing and drawing, I set up a sheet of paper on my handy dandy drawing board.

The drawing board is actually a piece of foam core with some white poster-board taped over it for a smooth drawing surface. I use a low tack tape to attach the paper, and then use a mechanical pencil and T-square to draft out the panels. I always draw in red pencil. You’ll see why in a bit.

Next, I roughly sketch in where each of the characters and props are going to go in each panel. This is nothing fancy, just stick figures and basic shapes to help me determine how much room each character will need in the panel and still leave room for the word balloons and text.

Then I start to draw a detailed sketch for each panel, again using the same mechanical pencil with red lead.

I like to do a fairly detailed drawing so I know exactly what I have to ink. Once the final sketching is done, I pull out a brush pen (I use Faber Castell brush markers; they’re the best!) and I ink the cartoon. For the borders and fine line work and cross hatching, I use a Faber Castell technical pen or a Micron Pigma pen.

Once I’ve got the inking done, I scan the cartoon into the computer via Photoshop. I have to do it in two pieces, since I use a very big piece of paper for the cartoon. I don’t bother erasing the red pencil marks because I don’t have to. I simply delete the red color channels from my image once it’s been scanned in and then convert the whole thing to grey scale. Voila! No more red pencil, just black ink.

Once everything is scanned in, I use Photoshop to pull it all together. I have a blank comic template set up with all the credits and titles already in it, as well as guidelines set up to help me line up the artwork. I use the text tool and the pen/shape tools to add the text and word balloons. For the final touch, I add two extra layers to the image, one for black areas and one for white high lights. I’ve found it’s easier and cleaner for me to add black areas to the cartoon in Photoshop than to do it by hand, so certain things like the laptop in this cartoon or the Hubster’s hair will be blacked in then, with another layer set up for white highlights on top of that.

Once it’s all done, I flatten all the layers in Photoshop, scale the image down, and then put it in a blog post for the website. The whole process takes anywhere from 2-4 hours, depending on how detailed the cartoon is, or how tired I am that day. Today I was beat, so between that and putting together this little behind-the-scenes look, I probably spent about 4 1/2 hours on this total.

Anyway, that’s how it’s done. Now aren’t you glad you hung around to read all that? Wasn’t that just fascinating? Hello? Hellooooooo…

I can hear you breathing, you know.

Don’t forget, episode 03 of Rats! runs this Thursday on www.cynicalwoman.com!

ACW Episode 52 – My very adult weekend

I know, I know. Today’s cartoon went up late, but there was a reason why. I left Friday morning for Marscon, and was gone all weekend. And yes indeedy, I did have several late night panels which have left me shambling about like one of the living dead. But that’s not why today’s cartoon was late. Today’s cartoon was late because…

It’s all the HUBSTER’S fault!!

Yes, Saint Michael the Magnificent did something truly amazing. He decided to upgrade both my laptop and my desktop this past weekend while I was gone. Now I knew about the laptop. That poor machine has been limping along like nobody’s business the last six months, and I knew while I was away Hubster was going to pull out the old hard drive, install a new one, and reinstall all my software. I knew this. What I did not know was that he also planned to upgrade the operating system on my desktop from Vista to Windows 7.

When I came home Sunday night, both machines were still undergoing upgrades. No big deal. I was too tired to do any work that evening anyway. But on Monday morning, they were both still down. Now I was starting to get a little antsy because in addition to getting today’s cartoon drawn and scanned in, I also had a bit of cover art to finish off for a client and a podcast to finish assembling for Radio Dentata. Both those projects were on the desktop, which I had not been expecting to be under repair. Thus I had not copied the necessary files to my handy thumbdrive in case I needed to use another computer to finish the work. In fact, I couldn’t have used those files on the laptop until the upgraded hard drive was installed anyway, because I think putting anything else on the laptop probably would have killed that machine deader than a doornail. So I had left everything on the desktop, which I knew would back up automatically onto the external hard drive, and went my merry way on Friday thinking I’d be able to get back to work when I got home.

Hubster kept working on both machines all through yesterday. By yesterday evening, they still weren’t finished. In fact, the desktop appeared to have hung itself around the 62% point of the Windows 7 upgrade. It wouldn’t go any further no matter how hard I swore at it. The laptop was almost done, but it didn’t have the files I needed to finish my work, plus it wasn’t connected to my scanner so I couldn’t scan in the cartoon I had managed to draw yesterday. You see, I was on schedule, but got derailed by technical difficulties.

Hubster finally got me set with the laptop very early this morning. The desktop finally hung itself and crashed mid upgrade on Windows 7, so he rolled it back to Vista. Now at 3PM, nine hours later than usual, I can finally post this week’s Adventures of Cynical Woman. Hubster tells me he will wait until the next time I go to a con before he attempts to upgrade to Windows 7 again. I told him fine, but let’s make sure we’ve got a back up in place.

You know, just in case.

Don’t forget, my new/old comic Rats! runs again this Thursday and every Thursday from here on out! If you missed the first episode, you can see it here.

ACW Episode 51 – Cleaning up and an announcement

To be honest, the kids did not throw Baby Jesus.

They threw the Virgin Mary. And they didn’t throw her so much as they smacked her around then threw her across the room during a game of “Pirates, Ninjas and Zombies,” wherein the girls use all their Fischer Price Little People, including the Nativity set, to act out some sort of bizarre post-apocalyptic scenario on the living room floor.

Now I know it seems strange that I, the family Buddhist/atheist, would be the one to complain about tossing Bible figures around the house, but you must understand. While I am not a practitioner of any religion (and Buddhism is not religion, since it makes no mention of a deity), I do feel it’s only polite to show respect for those who do believe, and to not desecrate the symbols of their religion. A lot of wars could be averted if only we all showed each other a bit of respect, regardless of each other’s race, creed, gender, sexual preference, political persuasion and religion.

Besides, getting hit in the back of the head by a flying Fischer Price Virgin Mary really hurts.

Starting this Thursday, I will begin posting episodes in a new series. Well, actually it’s an old series, something I drew waaaaaay back in the day before there were such things as “web” comics. Keep your eyes peeled, watch this space, and stay tuned. On Thursday, Rats! begins.

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Episode 50 – We have to ask…

No, seriously. This question has been asked repeatedly by both girls since Christmas morning. Oy vey…

And yes, Princess did get an archery set. If you ever come over to visit, watch yourself!

Hope everybody had a good holiday. My New Year’s resolutions for cartooning are to continue to turn out one Adventures of Cynical Woman cartoon a week, and to dig out an old project to share. More on that later this week (assuming I can find said old project).

Episode 49 – When I’m bad…

Oh yes, I’ve written much, much worse, as a matter of fact 😉 Like the gay Santa story that comes out Christmas Day on the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast. Though if you’re in a hurry to hear that little gem, you could listen to it on Radio Dentata Christmas Eve.

I’m headed out of town on Monday to visit family, so don’t know if I will have a cartoon ready before I go. Hopefully yes, but you and I both know that train wreck known as Christmas is coming on fast, ready to run me over and squash me flat. We’ll see what happens, but if you don’t see anything from me between now and New Year’s Eve, merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa and a bounteous Bodhi Day to you and yours.

Episode 48 – Is this a trick question?

Oh yes she did!

Last week, a few days after I had posted episode 47, I was busy folding laundry when I noticed Pixie had some strange greyish stains on her arms. I went to check on her and thought, “Hmm. These stains look suspiciously like washed off paint or… INK?!”

You see, I had pulled out a bottle of India Ink the weekend before, to experiment with for the cartoon. And I had left said bottle on my art desk, where I do all my cartooning. Now, Pixie knows she’s not supposed to touch anything on that art desk. However, Murphy’s law states…

Oh hell, you know what Murphy’s law states. And we all know Murphy was a damned optimist! Anyway, I raced to my bedroom to check my desk, and sure enough, there were solid black ink stains everywhere, including on the cartoon I had drawn last week. It was at this point that I vaguely recalled having seen Pixie in the bathroom diligently washing her hands, and I also recalled thinking at the time, “Well that’s nice! She’s finally listening to all those lectures I gave her on washing her hands after going potty!”

Yeah, I know. I’m an idiot sometimes.

The damage wasn’t too bad, certainly not as bad as I’ve painted it in the cartoon above. But this isn’t the first time little Miss Pixie has gotten into something she shouldn’t have and then proceeded to get it all over the place. Right after the Hubster spent a week painting the walls downstairs, she grabbed a piece of bright blue chalk and colored on his paint job. I guess ecru low gloss wasn’t to her taste. Other times I have found marker on the window sills, and on her clothing, and on her face. Oh, and ball point pen shows up in the most interesting places around here. The kid’s a menace, I tell ya. A real tiny vandel!

But then so was I. Maybe this is how Pixie learns to become an artist, hmm? That or drive me crazy!

Did I mention India Ink is permanent? Oy!

Episode 47 – ‘Tis the season to give!

Am I the only person who has this problem? Am I the only person who’s living room turns into gift box city every December? Am I the only one clambering over cardboard crates shipped from every major retailer known to mankind, whilst trying to reach the TV or my kids?

Please, for love of Pete, tell me I’m not the only one.

To say my mother likes to shop would be like saying the Grand Canyon is kind of deep, or Niagra Falls is kind of wet. The woman works simply so she can buy gifts for her grandchildren. She has actually said as much to my face! Thus we get a steady flow of packages all year long, but in December, the flood gates open and suddenly I can’t find my couch!

Oy. It’s already started. We’ve got boxes everywhere, and I know more are on the way. Somebody help me, please!

Episode 45 – A Small Political Rant

Where to start with this one? Um, how about with “I’m very opinionated”?

Seriously, I had two choices of what to draw for this week – something cute and funny or something more controversial. I’m not usually in-your-face with my political and (lack of) religious views, but there are times when I feel it’s necessary to point out a few things. For starters, I believe I have the right to express myself politically and sexually. For a woman, the two are so intertwined I can’t see how to separate one from the other. It’s to the point where I’m not just writing erotica to turn out steamy sex scenes for entertainment and profit. I’m writing erotica because that’s my way of saying, “Fuck all you people who think I should be meek and mild and obedient and hide in the kitchen while being barefoot and pregnant. I’m a woman with a brain and a cunt and I intend to use them both!” (And no, I will never apologize for using the word ‘cunt,’ just as a man would never apologize for calling his penis a ‘dick’).

Secondly, I actually am thankful for the things I listed in the cartoon above. In a different time and place, under different circumstance, my life would be a lot different, and probably not for the better. I do not take for granted my right to vote, my right to an education, my right to practice or refuse to practice the religion of my choice, or my right to keep other people’s stupid ideas off my body. No woman should take these things for granted, nor should we allow other women to do without these rights.

Third, don’t expect me to play nice if you push me to be something I’m not. I make no bones about my personal beliefs. I am an atheist and a Zen Buddhist (for those of you wondering, Zen Buddhism is not a religion, it’s a practice, and it has nothing to do with any idea of God). If you ask me to say grace at the dinner table, you will get what you get.

And that’s my little rant for today.