Author: Cynical Woman

Cartoonist, Artist, Geek, Evil Crafter, Girl Scout Troop Leader and Writer. Also, a zombie. I haven't slept in I don't know how long.
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Sunday Contentments – Football!

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I know, I’ve been a bad blogger. I haven’t posted here all week. All I can say is, I’ve been busier than usual. But now it’s Sunday, and I’m taking the afternoon to relax and chill. Here are this week’s contentments.

Football – I swear to God, I can’t stand the game. I spent way too much time in high school and college being forced to sit in the bleachers and watch a lot of football, and I loathed every minute of it. So it’s pretty ironic that I’d call it a contentment now. But! There’s always a but(t)… I married a man who really enjoys the game. Early in our marriage, he used to spend all day Sunday watching the games. He’s a Redskins fan and a Virginia Tech fan (we both graduated from Tech). I used to loathe those days, because I’d completely lose him. Then slowly, I discovered that if he was watching the game, I could do other things, like commandeer the dining room table to sew or make jewelry. Game days got to be lazy afternoons for both of us, and for certain games, we’d invite friends over and whip up a lot of comfort food. The men (usually) watched the game while the women (usually) made jewelry, worked on costumes, drew, etc. We got out of the habit of doing game day after Princess was born. Hubster said he just couldn’t justify spending hours in front of the TV when there was so much to do, and a baby to explore the world with. But I’ve been run ragged this summer, what with all the travel and work and getting the kids back to school, and I want a break. So I’ve re-instated Game Day. This afternoon, the Redskins play… someone. The Giants, maybe? I don’t care. It’s not the game itself I’m interested in. It’s the excuse to sit on the couch with my sketch pad and pens, or at the dining room table with my beads, and do something creative that isn’t work-related. Speaking of which, the next contentment is…

Beads – I’ve had to make a lot of trips to Virginia Beach the past few weeks, and there’s a Michael’s craft store down in the area I’ve been visiting. Since traffic coming back on that trip is always the suck, I decided one afternoon to stop in at Michael’s and pick up one or two items. Just one or two, mind you. Then I walked in the door and ran smack into the bed section and that was that. I found some really chunky orange nugget style beads that I just had to have. Then I found a pendant with a Tibetan Buddha on it. It was all in oranges and dark greens, and it just so perfectly matched the orange chunky things I had picked up, and oh! Look over there! Dark green glass beads, slightly marbled with orangy red, and several strings of various shades of green beads next to that, and… And I walked out of the store with enough beads to make a new necklace. A nice, chunky, ethnic style piece, very Tibetan in design. Tres cool! I haven’t been in a Michael’s in years, mainly because I couldn’t leisurely stroll through the place with two small children kicking each other all through the store. That day, I was on my own. I don’t think I’ll go back again for several months, though, because I’m so starved for new craft supplies, I think I’d go waaaaaaaaaay overboard.

School – School has finally started, and this year, Pixie is in preschool and Princess is in first grade. That means yours truly is on her own most of the day. I had one day last week when I wasn’t traveling to appointments, a day when I could stay home, and I was so frikkin’ amazed at how much stuff I got done! Tomorrow is Monday, I can stay home again, and I expect the day to be peaceful and productive.

Foooooooood – Yummy, yummy fooooooooood. For the game today, I made a big pot of chili, with rice and corn muffins. I’m salivating just thinking about it. I think I’ll grab myself something to eat as soon as I’m done here.

Fall weather – It’s no secret, and in fact I may have mentioned this last week or the week before, but I can’t stand summer weather. It’s too damn hot and sticky. The last couple of weeks have been just beautiful. Cool enough for jeans, and I love that.

New patio furniture – We’ve been in this house 14 years, and have only owned a couple of second hand plastic chairs and a tiny plastic table. Then last spring, one of the chairs collapsed under Hubster (and he is not a large man). It was obviously time for new patio furniture. Hubster waited until this weekend though, to get a nice set on sale. We’ve got six chairs and a nice long table. We can have guests and eat outside! WIN!

T-shirts – Threadless.com had a sale this week! I love Threadless t-shirts! I bought three. I can’t wait until they arrive. SQUEEEEEE!

Yeah, the entire list is pretty materialistic, but you know, sometimes simple things like t-shirts and craft supplies really do make the day brighter. The game is starting soon, so I’m going to get some chili. Have a very content Sunday, folks!

Cynical Woman is the creative property of Helen E. H. Madden.
Be sure to visit www.cynicalwoman.com for Cynical Woman cartoons.
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Sunday Contentments – When Life’s a Disaster

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Well, my week has been a complete, COMPLETE train wreck. The whole family is massively off schedule, trying to cram in that last bit of summer fun before school starts on Tuesday. In addition to this, which would be enough madness in and of itself, I’ve got several doctor appointments right now. Nothing’s wrong, I just have something I need to see a specialist about, and it requires several trips, almost on an every-other-day basis. It does not help that the doctor I’m seeing is an hour’s drive from my home. Nor does it help that a few minor mis-communications have resulted in me having to return to the doctor’s office, or to a special pharmacy near the doctor’s office, twice in the same day. And it helps even less that the road I have to travel is notorious for traffic jams and cluster fucks galore. I’ve had two days this past week where I’ve done nothing but spend all day in the car, shutting back and forth from my house, to the doctor’s office or pharmacy.

Top this off with the story I’ve been trying to write this week, which I really wanted to have done before midnight last night so I could turn it into my critique group for the weekend. I blew my deadline by two hours, and at 2AM this morning, still didn’t have a good working draft. In times like these, there’s only one thing I can say, folks. FIDO: Fuck It, Drive On.

But enough of all that crap. Today’s blog post is about contentments, and yes, in spite of the upset and general disasterousness of my week, I do have a few things I can point to and say, “Yep, that gives me that warm and fuzzy feeling but good.” Here’s this week’s contentments:

Music – I don’t often listen to music these days, mainly because I’m not the kind of gal who can write while music is playing in the background. I prefer peace and quiet. I would listen to music in the car, but I’m not in my car that much these days, and rarely if ever make long trips. But we know I made a few this past week, don’t we! So what did I listen to? The soundtrack to River Dance, which always gets my spirit pumping, The soundtrack to Fellowship of the Ring (I LOVE that movie), ABBA Gold, and a mix CD the Hubster made for me aeons ago when we were just engaged. It was all good stuff, and it kept me humming along when I got stuck in traffic over and over and over again this week.

Kids – I got two of the little twerps, and they never cease to amaze me. I get the giggles just watching Pixie run around the house. She’s so in charge of whatever she’s doing. Meanwhile, Princess continues to delve into Egyptology with a vengeance. We spent this afternoon, after I returned from yet another trip to the doctor, drawing pictures of the artifacts she found in her excavation kit. She says she can’t draw. I explained she couldn’t draw perfectly. But she could draw well enough, and she’d get better with practice. She did quite good when she finally settled down.

Cuddling and tickling – nothing boosts my mood like a cuddle with the girls, or a long hug with the Hubster. I’ve been bitching all week because Hubster bought scented laundry detergent and now we all smell Spring Time Fresh! I can’t stand it. But today, either we all dug out pre-new detergent clothes or my nose has finally gone numb, because I could hold everyone without getting a massive headache. I’ve also had the opportunity this week to curl up with one child or the other for a nap or late morning snooze, and to chase after the kids and tickle the stuffings out of them. Their laughter is the best medicine ever. And Hubster? Nothing makes me happier than to spoon up behind him in bed, and know that I’m not going to get up until the kids roust us from delightful, golden sleep.

Books – there just so happens to be a Border’s near my doctor’s office. I got a coupon last night for 40% off, and had an appointment this morning. I decided to stop in and get myself something I wanted. My purchases included two birding books, The Long Tail by Chris Anderson (and it was on massive discount to boot!), and the latest installment of one of my favorite mangas, Bizenghast. I can haz reading material, LOL!

Birds – I’ve gone nuts lately, trying to figure out which species are visiting the bird feeders in our backyard. Ever since I put the squirrel baffle up, we had tons of birds show up. I checked out a birding book from the library, and of course, bought two new books today. I can finally tell a purple finch from a cardinal, and a gold finch from a black capped chickadee. We’ve even got a tufted titmouse showing up, plus several others I can’t quite pin down yet. And we’ve got two regular visitors to the humming bird feeder, a male and a female ruby throat. I never in my life would have guessed I’d be so entertained standing at my dining room window and watching the birds zip in and out of our yard. I have truly gone round the bend.

Manga – as I’ve mentioned, I picked up the latest installment of Bizenghast. If you haven’t heard of it before, it’s an OEL (original English language) manga, drawn by M. Alice LeGrow. The art is very spooky, delicate and gothic, and the story is bizarre. Right up my alley, of course. I’ve been waiting for this book for a while, and I’m delighted I found it today.

My lousy first draft of my story – hands down, a lousy first draft beats no draft at all when it comes to writing. I was pissed as hell last night when I blew my deadline, but there was nothing for it. Then I dreamt all last night about the subjects I was writing about – Lovecraft, nuclear bomb tests, and mermaids (are you intrigued yet?). This morning, bits and pieces of narrative have been filtering through my brain. I haven’t caught all of them on paper yet, but I did get some key ones down in my notebook while I was waiting in the doctor’s office. I think I’ll be able to finish this story soon, AND I’ve got ideas for four more to write for next month’s podcast. I hope you guys like horror };)

Finally, the weather – I loathe summer. Really, I despise hot sticky weather, and the clothing that goes with it. I much prefer cool autumn days where I can wear jeans and a light sweater or jacket. All my favorite clothing is fall clothing. It’s still summer, but the weather this past week has been so cool and nice, I’ve been able to break out my beloved jeans and enjoy. It’s a very simple thing, but I love this weather. Love, love, love it!

And that’s the contentments for this Sunday. I’ve got a story to work on, and hopefully finish, today, plus more blog posts to plan for the rest of this week. Hope you all are doing well, and have a contented Sunday.

Cynical Woman is the creative property of Helen E. H. Madden.
Be sure to visit www.cynicalwoman.com for Cynical Woman cartoons.
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Fiction Friday – Gojiro by Mark Jacobson

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I’m amazed at how much reading I’ve done this summer. In addition to books I’ve already mentioned here, I’ve also read quite a few others, more than I’ve read in a long time. Enough in fact, that I can do a weekly Fiction Friday post for a month, at least, if I can just keep up with blogging.

The last book I read before heading off to Chicago was Gojiro by Mark Jacobson. I will say up front this was both one of the strangest and one of the best reads I’ve had in a while. The story is told from the point of view of the radio-active behemoth himself, only instead of unintelligible roars, this Gojiro is a hip-talking, Jack Kerouac-like philosophizer addicted to fine grades of plutonium. His companion is Komodo, the Coma Boy, a young man who’s life was obliterated by the Heater, that nuclear weapon of Armageddon that ripped Gojiro from his natural place in the universe and transformed the Monitor Lizard into the King of Monsters.

The plot circles around Gojiro’s attempts at suicide and Komodo’s desire to save his one true friend. The two victims of nuclear disaster live together on Radioactive Island, along with the Atoms, children malformed and mutated by radioactive energy. Gojiro is tired of his life as a freak, and can’t abide the suffering that abounds in his quad-cameral brain. Somehow, he’s hooked into the universe, receiving messages and please for help from fans around the world, and he has no idea how to answer them. He’s also tired of being ripped from his position in the natural order of things. He was never meant to be a monster, let alone King of Monsters, and now, bereft of the comfort of his species, it takes everything he has just to hold it together.

Only he’s not holding it together. If not for a sacred promise he made to Komodo and his pesky invulnerability, the big green ‘zard would snuff himself in an instant. Komodo knows this, and is doing everything he can to keep his friend going. They strike upon a deal – in a year’s time, if they haven’t found a way to relieve Gojiro’s depression and pain, the great lizard will be allowed to kill himself, and Komodo will help ease his way.

That’s when the note shows up, a letter from the mysterious Sheila Brooks, daughter of Joseph Prometheus Brooks, the scientist who invented the Heater. A critically acclaimed film maker and all around nut-case, Ms. Brooks desperately needs Gojiro’s help. She wants to make a movie, entitled “Gojiro Vs. Joseph Prometheus Brooks in the Valley of Decision,” and suddenly Gojiro finds he must once and for all confront the man responsible for his tortured existence.

It’s a long strange acid trip of a book, and the first few chapters may seem rather slow until you get into the rhythm of the language. Gojiro has a slang all his own, and it takes a while to decipher what he means. On top of that, there’s a great deal of philosophy in the book on the nature of species and their interconnectedness and the place of the individual within the whole.

I bought this book waaaaaaaay back in the 1990s, probably 1993, when I was still in grad school. I’ve had it on my shelf ever since then, just gathering dust. I finally reached a point this summer where I determined that I either needed to read the book or get rid of it. I made a deal with myself to read the first two chapters, and then decide. Fortunately, the I found it slow at the start, I was hooked enough to keep going and eventually I reached a point where I couldn’t put the book down. In fact, on more than one night, I stayed up waaaaaaaaaaay to late because I just didn’t want to stop reading.

So Gojiro has earned a permanent spot on my shelf, I’m happy to say. I’ll get rid of some other namby pamby book if I need to clear things out. This one’s got too much style, too much plot, too much mind-boggling entertainment for me to give up.

Cynical Woman is the creative property of Helen E. H. Madden.
Be sure to visit www.cynicalwoman.com for Cynical Woman cartoons.
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Artsy Fartsy Knitting!

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This is a semi-regular post that I do intend to do, as I have a huge love for all things crafty, and finally may have some time to do some crafty things. My most recent venture into the world of the Artsy Fartsy has been in the field of knitting. A friend of mine, Mich, got me started in late June. I had been bemoaning the fact that Princess’ teacher told me she didn’t concentrate as well as she should in school, and Mich offered to teach Princess to knit. She thought it might help Princess learn to focus on a complex task, and give her something fun to do with her hands.

Well, you know if Princess is going to learn how to knit, I was going to have to learn too. Otherwise, how else was I going to help her out when she got stuck? My mom sent Princess a knitting kit, complete with a set of needles, yarn, and basic instruction book. I went out to the local craft store and picked up some needles and yarn of my own. The end result of this is that I have since created a pot holder, a belt,, a dish cloth (with a skull knitted into it!), and now a pair of wrist warmers. I’m most proud of this last accomplishment. The wrist warmers are the first knitted thing I’ve made for myself, and they won’t be the last.

I love that I can make clothing items for myself. I’m very particular about how I dress, though you might not guess it from looking at me. But I flatter myself to think I cultivate a certain sort of goth/punk mommy aura with my tattered jeans and fitted t-shirts, and I like my accessories to reflect that. The wrist warmers will look perfect this winter, giving me a certain radical chic while all the other mama-jamas stand around the bus stop wearing boring old gloves.

Seriously, though, I liked how these turned out, and they got made very quickly, which is also a plus. I’m hoping to make a matching scarf and maybe even a hat for myself as well. I’ve never really had a winter hat that I liked, so this would be a first.

The pattern for the wrist warmers, if you’re interested, comes from Teach Yourself Visually: Knitting, available on Amazon.com. You can also get it here from Barnes and Noble.

Cynical Woman is the creative property of Helen E. H. Madden.
Be sure to visit www.cynicalwoman.com for Cynical Woman cartoons.
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Writing Wednesday – Would You Be Interested?

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I’m thinking about what I’d like to do with this blog, and among other things, I’d like to do some more semi-regular topics. So I was wondering. I have Move It Mama Monday and Fiction Friday, both of which are about things near and dear to my heart (exercise and reading, respectively). But would anybody here be interested in hearing my thoughts, however strange they may be, on writing? I figure I must have something to say on the subject, since I’ve written over 100 stories in the past two years.

I’m toying with the idea. On the one hand, there are thousands, maybe millions, of websites out there that discuss this very same subject, and I’m wondering what I can bring to the topic that would be original. Would you like to hear about what it’s like to write erotica, or what it’s like to be a write-at-home mom? Or would you like to hear how those worlds collide?

Let me know what you think. I’ll keep playing with the idea. If I get any feedback, I may get started on this sooner rather than later.

Cynical Woman is the creative property of Helen E. H. Madden.
Be sure to visit www.cynicalwoman.com for Cynical Woman cartoons.
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Move It Mama Monday! Sidewalks?!

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For a long while now, I have bemoaned the lack of sidewalks in our area. We have a bit of sidewalk in our own little patch of suburbia, as well as a bit of running trail, but those only run intermittently through the neighborhood, and fail to connect us to any other patch of suburbia, which is kind of a problem.

Our neighborhood sits right off a very busy four-lane highway. Very busy. This road has no sidewalks along it, and the shoulders are rather narrow. The traffic along the highway is constant, and deadly fast, and I don’t often seen anyone dumb enough to walk along the side of the road to get anywhere. It’s just too dangerous.

If it were not for the lack of sidewalks along this stretch of highway, though, I’d be able to walk to the nearest grocery store (about 2 miles away). I’d also be able to walk to our local library and our YMCA (about 3 miles away). This would be great, in my opinion. If I walked to the grocery store once a week to get dinner for Friday, and walked to the Y 2-3 times a week to work out, I’d never have to worry about those 5-10 extra pounds I can’t seem to lose. They’d melt away! Plus I’d almost never need to drive, since those are the three places I go most often during the week. I could just walk there, and save money on gas! Imagine that.

I mention all of this because Hubster just recently read that our local government is looking at putting in a stretch of sidewalk along that very busy highway. What they’re looking at doing won’t stretch as far as the library and Y, unfortunately, but it would stretch past the local grocery store. Also unfortunate, that prophesied sidewalk will only be on one side of the road, the side opposite where my little patch of suburbia is, so I’ll have to figure out how to cross a four-lane highway to reach it, because I’m betting no one is smart enough to figure out we’ll also need cross walks and signals too.

But still, it’s progress, and it looks like there will be more sidewalks going up through our county, and I can’t see that as a bad thing. Maybe some day, before I day, I’ll have all the sidewalk I’ll need to get around this area.

In other news, I do finally seem to be losing weight. It’s a combination of water weight and fat, but still, my assets do appear to be shrinking. As I mentioned last Monday, I am taking a month off of EA Sports Active, since my weight gain and knee problems started about the time I started using that game. Instead, I’m going with a combination of Wii Fit, karate, walking, a bit of running, the elliptical machine, and Dance Dance Revolution. In the last three weeks, I’ve lost four pounds. When school starts up next week and both kids head off for the day, I’ll be back to swiming and lifting on a regular basis again, and that should really help kill those extra pounds, I hope.

So how are you all doing with your waist lines? And what would you do if you had sidewalks in your neighborhood? Would you take advantage of them and walk everywhere? Or do you already have them and use them?

Cynical Woman is the creative property of Helen E. H. Madden.
Be sure to visit www.cynicalwoman.com for Cynical Woman cartoons.
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Sunday Afternoon Contentments

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I had a lousy day yesterday, filled with temper tantrums and howling and pouting. All on my part, that is, not the kids. I think three weeks of travel and visiting family and having no time for myself finally got to me, and like an over-tired tot, I finally had a melt-down.

But that was yesterday, and this is today. It’s Sunday, the Hubster has headed out with the girls, and I have the house to myself. It’s my first time alone, truly alone, in over three weeks. Let’s think about what’s got me feeling all warm and fuzzy today.

Early morning writing – I’ve been busting ass on a story the last two weeks, churning out 1-2K words at a sitting. This morning, I finally wrote the last words and finished the tale. It’s a good story, a funny story, and a good feeling to be done. Now I can get on with that horror story I need to finish by next Saturday.

Squirrel baffles and bird feeders – we finally got a squirrel baffle while my parents were here (they came to visit for two weeks, showed up right as we pulled into our driveway after getting back from Chicago!). This was a necessity, because one of the local squirrels, whom I have dubbed Lardo the Big-Butted Squirrel, has been wiping out the bird feeder every time we fill it. Since I also noticed a couple of humming birds buzzing around the rosemary bush in our backyard, I bought a humming bird feeder too. Since setting up these items in our backyard, we’ve seen gold finches, purple finches, cardinals, and what may be a Smith’s Longspur, although this isn’t the right range for it, so I’m probably wrong. We’ve also seen both a male and female ruby-throated humming bird. The girls get very excited seeing these birds, and I have a feeling we may end up buying a bird watching book before too long.

Spiders, cicadas and other creepy crawlies – yes, I am all about the Nature thing today! Earlier this week, while I was weeding the backyard, the girls found 16 cicada skins, plus bits of broken butterfly wings. I’ve saved them all, in hopes of photographing them, and maybe preserving them somehow. As for the spider, we’ve got a gorgeous yellow and black one that’s woven a giant web along our covered porch. We call her Shelob, and everyday I go out to see what she’s caught in her web. Again, the girls are fascinated (though Pixie is a bit creeped out by the sheer size of Shelob). The more interested the girls get in nature, the happier I am.

Shelob, with dinner

Tomatoes from my garden – I haven’t got a lot of tomatoes growing, but I do have a few. Today, I made a sandwich with sliced tomato from my garden. It was GOOD.

Homemade bread – let’s hear it for bread machines!! I’ve got a loaf of honey mustard wheat bread going in the machine downstairs right this minute. It’s going to be good!

Home made soup – also cooking downstairs, in the crockpot. It’s vegetable, with a few things thrown in from the garden. I love it.

Irish Breakfast tea – my mom picked me up a cannister in Busch Gardens, of all places, in the Irish section of the park. I can’t recall the brand, but it’s very good, and has been the kick in the pants I’ve needed the last few days or so.

Knitting – Mich got me started on knitting, saying that if I could teach Princess, she might learn to concentrate better at school. Princess has done some knitting, and enjoys it, but I’ve since become addicted. How addicted, you ask? On Thursday evening, I started work on a pair of wrist warmers for myself. By Saturday evening they were done. Damn that was fast! What can I make next?

My fancy new wrist warmers!

Tamarind soda – I don’t know where Hubster got it from, but it’s “Hecho en Mexico!” so you know it’s good.

Books – thanks to my mom, I am stocked up on books for the next couple of months. I’ve got “Age of Wonder,” a look at the time of scientific discovery and exploration prior to the Industrial Revolution. I’ve also got “Of Bees and Mist” and a few other choice goodies. The girls got a number of non-fiction books, including some of the Eye Witness books, which I love. We have plenty to read this fall.

E-books – to add to my joy, Barnes and Noble is selling e-books at prices competitive to Amazon.com, and their e-books don’t require you to buy a proprietary device! I have a netbook. I love my netbook. I can type on it, blog with it, write with it, handle e-mail with it, surf the net with it, and now I can read the latest best sellers with it at a price I can afford (Fictionwise.com is also a good place to buy e-books, if you’re interested). Between Barnes and Noble and my mom, I’ve done more reading in the past month than I’ve done all year! WIN!!

Egyptology – Princess was fascinated with the Egyptian mummies we saw at the Field Museum in Chicago, so we bought her an excavation kit in the museum’s gift shop. She started work on it last Monday, and have so far gotten a small plastic sarcophagus, various trinkets, and a Bast figurine. Some of the books my mom bought for her included an Eye Witness book of Egypt, and Princess spent an entire afternoon sitting with her grandfather, listening to him tell stories of when he lived in Egypt as a boy. We’ve also been recording shows about Egypt on the Discovery Channel, which Princess watched with rapt attention. And now I discover that one of our local museums will be hosting a traveling exhibit on Egyptian mummies and other treasures later this fall. I cannot tell you how happy I am to see my girl take such an interest in something like this, something that has nothing to do with Hannah Montana, makeup, Disney Princess, or other contemporary girl things that drive me nuts.

The archaeologist hard at work with her loyal assistant.

Naps – I’ve had a long couple of weeks, and a few times, I’ve just had to lay down and doze. I love that pleasant, sleepy feeling I get when I pull my favorite afghan over me in the middle of the day and drift off. In fact, I think I ought to take a nap right now…

Cynical Woman is the creative property of Helen E. H. Madden.
Be sure to visit www.cynicalwoman.com for Cynical Woman cartoons.
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Move It Mama Monday! Dear EA Sports Active

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Dear EA Sports Active,

I want you to know, we’ve had a lovely couple of months together. Really, I’ve had such a great time with your 30 day challenge and daily journal. But I think it’s time we take a break. Now before you panic, this is a break, not a break-up. It’s just that I need some time away from you to figure things out, like why my knees have been feeling like crap ever since we’ve been together, or why I’ve done nothing but gain weight since you came into my life. I know, these are difficult questions, and you’re not necessarily at fault. In fact, I don’t want to blame you, but I need to start looking for solutions to these two very troubling problems, and that means cutting back on possible contributors. Again, notice I say possible, not definite. I’m not blaming you. Really, it’s not you at all, it’s me, me and my bum knees.

I expect you won’t see me for about a month. While we’re apart, I want you to know I will be revisiting old friends, and yes, that includes Wii Fit and Dance Dance Revolution. I know you may not be comfortable with this, but I want to be upfront and about what I’m doing. And you are certainly free to hang out with whomever you choose. I don’t want you to be jealous, but I’ve always felt close to Wii Fit, and my knees are certainly more comfortable with the balance board than they are with your lunges and jumping, so I think maybe this is the right thing to do.

Again, we’ve had a wonderful couple of months together. All those training exercises, the upper body workouts, the volley ball and the tennis and other games… All that will remain very precious to me, and I’m certain that at the end of a month you and I will be seeing each other again, although maybe not as much as we had been seeing each other before. After all, Fall is coming up, and with the kids going back to school I’ll be hitting the Y more often to swim and lift real weights…

Oh, I’m sorry! Your weight training program is great, really! You should be proud of it!

Anyway, I have to go. I’ve got a weigh in at the balance board coming up, and I don’t want to miss that. Wii Fit gets so prissy if I miss a weigh in. I’ll see you in a month, I promise.

Yours truly,

Helen

Cynical Woman is the creative property of Helen E. H. Madden.
Be sure to visit www.cynicalwoman.com for Cynical Woman cartoons.
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Chicago, day 06 – Artsy Fartsy and a Fear of Heights

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Day 06 of our trip, Hubster decided to take off from his very important convention. Apparently they weren’t doing any talks in his area of rocket scientist expertise that day, and he really wanted to hang with us girls. He did manage to see a bit of the Adler Planetarium and Shedd Aquarium (hey, that kinda rhymes!) on his own, in the afternoons after his conference was over, but apparently he missed his WO-man and kids.

After all the other stuff we’d done, I was dying to see an art museum. I mean, it’s Chicago, right? There are TONS of art museums and galleries in that city. But a mom on her own with two kids has no chance in hell of getting through an art museum with any enjoyment, so I traded sex convinced Hubster to take me to the Museum of Contemporary Art. It’s a nice museum. Very interesting art. I understand NONE of it.

Well, almost none of it. I did like the installations by Olafur Elliasson. These were rooms that had weird light effects and walk-in sculptures and such. One hallway had these overpowering yellow lights that leached all the color out of everything, so that when you went through it, you turned black and white. Freaky! Another room had a series of glass or plexi-glass hoops spinning on a string with a spot light shining through them. The light cast on the far wall broke into prismatic colors and did all sorts of swoops and swirls. Neat! Then there was the room with a free swinging fan hanging from the ceiling, you know, the sort of fan that you prop in the window when it gets really hot and your AC goes kaput? I sort of got that one (it reminded me of summer at my grandmother’s house), but Hubster didn’t care for it. He did like the room where one wall was covered entirely in reindeer moss. Yeah, I have no idea why that would be art.

The kids had no idea what they were looking at though, and things only got stranger as we moved through the painting gallery. Why some of those paintings are hanging in a museum is beyond me. I’ve seen more evocative images appear in Pixie’s diapers after a meal of blueberries and pureed squash. Yet someone things they’re art and must be preserved. I did get to see a real live Rene Magritte up close and personal. Loved it. Plus there was an Andy Warhol and a few names in there I recognized. Sadly, no photography was alllowed in the MCA, otherwise I’d show you some nifty pics with snarky commentary on the state of contemporary art.

Then we hit the gift shop, and I have to say, that’s the first time I’ve seen a gift shop that was a better museum than the museum it was attached to. The MCA gift shop had some amazing stuff in there, including all sorts of books on pop art and comics, manga, etc. They had a slew of Japanese toys, especially the little collectible trinkets that have become so popular these days. I desperately wanted to get a blank Munny doll so I could doodle it up all my own, but then I found a book on plushy art and that was that. I can’t wait to start making freaky little toys with my new-found knowledge };)

After the MCA, Hubster took us to the Hancock Observatory, where we took an elevator to the very tippy top floor so we could all look out a bunch of big plate glass windows and contemplate our deaths. Seriously, I am not a fan of heights, and I really don’t like standing at the top of a very tall building with nothing but a plate of glass between me and a leap to my death. Hubster swears he did not know about my phobia, and then proceeded to ignore it as he took the kids right up to the glass to peer out the windows! I sort of clung to the walls in the center of the floor, praying we would leave soon.

When we did finally descend (in what is probably the world’s fastest elevator – and no, the speed of our plunge did not make me feel better about heights), we headed over to lunch at the same food court/cafeteria/grocery store place Julie had taken us to a few days earlier (was it called Fresh Foods? I can’t recall). We got a huge picnic lunch and headed over to the Lincoln Park Zoo. After devouring everything (I have no idea why I felt starved, but I was), we toured the zoo. It’s a nice zoo, with a carousel and kiddie train, and an ape house and lots of other displays. Unfortunately, some of the animals were out for vet visits and the like. Other animals were hiding from the summer sun. I’d like to go back again sometime, maybe hit it in the morning before the heat sets in and the animals decide to take to the shade.

After a loooooooooong trek around the zoo, we finally headed back to the hotel, where we met up with Hubster’s brother Pat, who foolishly kindly volunteered to take the kids for the night. We sent him off with a smile and a wave, and then set about trying to find some adult entertainment for the evening. I think Hubster was hoping for Blue Man Group, but I nixxed that, opting instead for Harry Potter at the local IMAX theater. Yeah, I know, sounds lame. But you have no idea how infrequently we can get a sitter, and how badly I wanted to see Harry Potter.

The movie was grand. Dinner before hand was an adventure. We tried a Mexican place at the Navy pier, only to find ourselves seated in a wait staff dead zone. After 15 minutes of hoping someone would come take our order, we watched a trio of women get seated right next to us and promptly have their order taken. Their waiter didn’t even look at us as he hurried off to get their drinks, and me feeling snarky, I said, “Let’s leave this dump and go get some food!”

So we hit the Hagen Daaz cafe nearby and got some nice sandwiches. End of dinner adventure. (I know, some adventure, huh?)

After the movie, Hubster and I walked back to the hotel. It was near midnight by now and I’d been on my feet several hours, but since the kids were with their aunt and uncle, and we had a hotel room to ourselves, we did what any husband and wife would do – quickie sex and then off to lala land! Seriously, I wasn’t up to much. I did manage to wake up for sex the next morning, but I made Hubster go get me coffee first.

So that was day 06. Here are a few pics.

Hubster and kids, at the top of the Hancock Observatory, creeping me out by standing so close to the window.

One of the views from the Hancock Observatory. I think our hotel is in there somewhere.

They think they’re being so funny. We actually did see a window washer working outside the Observatory, and I nearly died of a heart attack.

Pixie discovering how big the great apes truly are.

Princess on the Lincoln Park Zoo carousel.

The hottie who is the Hubster. Yeah, I know I’m a lucky girl.

And the train ride at the Lincoln Park Zoo.

I know, I should have had more pictures from the day, but with the no photo policy at the MCA and so many animals out at the zoo, I only got a few good snaps. Tomorrow will be even more sparse, since the big exhibit at the museum we saw then was a no photos deal too! But then, I’m pretty sure everyone’s tired of seeing my vacation photos, right?

Cynical Woman is the creative property of Helen E. H. Madden.
Be sure to visit www.cynicalwoman.com for Cynical Woman cartoons.
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Chicago, day 05 – Adler Planetarium, and Pixie’s Surprise

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Day 05 of our trip to Chicago, I was back on my own with the kids again. Not a problem though. One bus stop took us to three different museums, each of which would have taken more than a day to get through. So once again, we hopped the 146 bus and headed out to Soldier Field. This time, we bypassed the Field Museum and the Shedd Aquarium for the Adler Planetarium. This was probably the nicest planetarium I’ve ever seen, with a display on historical astronomical instruments, among other things. Unfortunately, Princess and Pixie weren’t exactly enraptured with the planetarium. The shows scared the bejeezus out of Pixie, and most of the displays went right over a six-year-old’s head. We spent a couple of hours there, and then retired to the Field Museum, where we promptly got lost in an exhibit on Ancient Americas.

Several thousands of years of American history that you never saw in any school book blended right into an exhibit on Pacific Northwest and Arctic peoples, with side exhibits on costumes of Native American tribes. We spent HOURS going through all this, and it amazed me how much Princess took an interest in the displays. But then, she likes “Indians,” as she tells me.

After several hours lost in ancient history, we finally found our way out of the museum and headed back to the hotel, where we collapsed. I can’t even recall what restaurant we went to that evening, I was so tired. Oh wait, yes I can.

We went to Gino’s East to get deep dish pizza. Gino’s East is very dark inside. Patrons are encouraged to color all over the walls and such, so the place kind of looks like a pit, covered in graffiti and all. But the food was supposed to be good, so we sat down to wait for our deep dish pizza. Deep dish pizza takes a long time to make, so we were prepared for quite a wait.

While we were sitting there, Hubster looked over at Pixie, who was sitting next to me, and said, “Sweetie, what’s in your hand?”

Now it was very dark in Gino’s East, remember, so I had no idea what I was getting when I turned around and said, “Pixie, hand it over.”

Nope, no way to tell my child was about to hand me a turd. Which she had just pulled from her own shorts.

I dropped it immediately, not quite shrieking, and Hubster wanted to know what was wrong. I made him crawl under the table to retrieve what I had dropped. Then I carted Pixie and the turd, wrapped in a napkin, to the ladies’ room. I had no diaper bag with me. Pixie is supposed to be potty trained, right? Anyway, no change of clothing, no baby wipes. All I had was paper towels and a small bottle of hand sanitizer. So I sanitized my baby’s butt. Used up half my bottle of sanitizer in the process.

The underpants Pixie was wearing went into the trash. After repeatedly washing her hands and mine, we finally went back to the table. When we got there, the pizza was ready.

Hubster said, “See, you had something interesting to do while we waited for our pizza.”

Gee, wonderful.

Anyway, here are the pictures from day 05 (but no pictures of the turd, I promise):

Adler Planetarium

Lots of nifty astronomical intruments, including sun dials and astrolabes.

The only thing in the Adler Planetarium that held my kids’ attention, the fun house mirrors.

One of the many statues in the Ancient Americas display at the Field Museum.

I felt like this after so many days running around and seeing the sights.

And that’s day 05!

Cynical Woman is the creative property of Helen E. H. Madden.
Be sure to visit www.cynicalwoman.com for Cynical Woman cartoons.