Author: Cynical Woman

Cartoonist, Artist, Geek, Evil Crafter, Girl Scout Troop Leader and Writer. Also, a zombie. I haven't slept in I don't know how long.
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The Science of Sex – Porn for Women?

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xkcd.com porn for women

I want to thank my good friend Mich for pointing out the above xkcd episode to me and the rant blog post it has inspired. Have you heard of these books? Porn for Women? Are you amused or insulted by them? Honestly, this ranks right up there with the idea that women have a universal mating strategy, which has been revealed in the titles of romance novel (see last week’s Science of Sex for details on that little gem). This series of books seems to imply that women are only aroused by attractive, clean cut men doing housework, changing diapers, etc. In other words, doing the house work many women do day in and day out. We don’t get off on imagery of people actually engaged in sex acts, and god forbid we’d ever actually want to look at a naked man.

It’s these kinds of stereotypes that aggravate the hell out of me. I know from long experience that I am a visual creature, and I respond strongly to erotic and sexually explicit images. My preference, being heterosexual female, is for images of nude males, and I don’t think I’m the only one. Unfortunately, the rest of the world hasn’t caught up with the idea that hetero women might want to look at pictures of actual penises, and of course the rest of the male bodies that go with them.

However, there has been some research lately that showed women’s brains responded just as strongly as men’s brains to erotic imagery. And another study funded by the Center for Behavioral Neuroscience in Atlanta has shown that men and women look at sexually explicit photos differently, but not in the way researchers might have predicted. Men were more likely to look at faces first, while women (depending on their hormonal state) focused more on genitals or contextual elements of the photographs.

Imagine that. Women might actually look at images of genitals before looking at anything else in a picture. It’s a crazy concept that’s right up there with the radical idea that women might actually want to see images of men on the covers of erotica books. Kind of blows certain stereotypes about women right out of the water, doesn’t it?

There’s even more discussion on the topic of women who watch porn here – http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/07/24/o.women.watching.porn/. Take a look and tell me what you think. Oh, and if you’re looking for some sexually explicit imagery with male nudes to enjoy, I can provide that too. (Just scroll down to the “pin-ups” section of my art gallery.)

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Rats! Episode 11 – Saaaaaaaalute!

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I did not salute the UPS guy.

I did, however, salute a gunny sergeant, and got in so much trouble for it I still cringe at the memory. For the non-military, you do not salute NCOs (i.e. sergeants, corporals, privates, etc.). You’re only supposed to salute officers. However, we cadets were also expected to salute cadet officers, those cadets in their senior year who were not yet commissioned in the military, and thus had no military experience or actual legal rank or authority. I’m still figuring that one out.

Being an officer is an interesting position to be in. I was commissioned in 1991, went to Officer Basic Course at Ft. Eustis 91-92 (transportation OBC is the longest OBC there is, I think, lasting around 5 months), and joined my first drill unit (I was an Army Reservist) sometime later in 1992. I missed going to Kuwait with my unit by a year, although I was stationed at Fort Bragg for Cadet Troop Leadership Training the day Iraq invaded Kuwait. I started CTLT shadowing a 2nd lieutenant to learn what it’s really like to be a platoon leader in the Army and half-way through became a gopher for the unit, running errands to get dental records, wills and powers of attorney finished, plus making sure family care plans were completed so that all the members of the unit I was temporarily assigned to were prepared to go to war. It was quite an eye-opener, being on post during those few weeks. Very hectic, very scary, very confusing.

But back to my first Reserves unit. My unit was a large truck company fresh back from running convoys in Desert Storm and there I was, a brand-spanking new lieutenant who was so new I “squeaked when I walked,” or so said my company commander at the time. I was assigned to be platoon leader and taken to meet my platoon sergeant, a man old enough to be my father who had spent more years in service than I had even been alive. After a quick introduction, I was told to take charge of the platoon and get them to work. In other words, I was supposed to give orders to my old-enough-to-be-my-dad platoon sergeant, tell him what to do with the troops, where to send them, when they had to be there, etc.

Now I know some current VTCC cadets are reading these cartoons. Do you guys have any idea how stupid it feels to be told to give orders to someone who obviously knows waaaaaaaaaay more about the military than you do? No? You’ll find out if you graduate and get your commission. I felt pretty dumb that day giving orders to my platoon sergeant. Fortunately, he was a very patient man, and very easy to work with, and very good at his job. Just as fortunately, I knew I needed to listen to him as much as possible because as a new lieutenant, my capacity for fucking things up was pretty high.

Any way, the moral of the story is, watch who you salute, but be aware that many of the people you’re not supposed to salute are the ones with the most experience and the most knowledge. Respect those people, regardless of your own rank.

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ACW Episode 60 – War and Peace

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Seriously, I have issues with squirrels.

Earlier this year I took up backyard bird watching as a sort of informal hobby. I have a couple of birding books, a pair of binoculars that are just strong enough to let me peek in the neighbors’ windows see what’s going on in my own backyard and of course, a bird feeder loaded with black sunflower seed.

Plus three big fat honkin’ squirrels.

The original big fat honkin’ squirrel is a regular in our yard and was dubbed Lardo the Big-Butt squirrel because he liked to gorge himself pretty regularly at our feeder. A few months ago, he was joined by two friends, one of whom the kids have taken to calling Buffalo Butt, and the other of whom has so far remained nameless beyond me occasionally calling him “YOU *@#!ING SQUIRREL!” All three of these rotund little beasties seem to think I’m putting out bird feed for them and not the birds. WRONG!

In my ongoing campaign against the squirrels, I’ve tried a lot of different tactics. At first, I bought a baffle for the feeder pole, because that’s how the squirrels were getting into the feeder. They’d just shimmy up the pole, reach over to the feeder and dump a ton of seeds on the ground, emptying the whole damn thing within a couple of hours of me filling it. The pole baffle worked for a few months.

Then the little menaces discovered they could bypass the pole entirely by climbing up a nearby tree instead and jumping over to the arm the feeder hangs from. Due to the layout of the yard, there really isn’t any place to put the feeder that wouldn’t be close to a tree, so I couldn’t simply move it to defeat the squirrels. Instead, I tried making additional homemade baffles to put on the feeder arm – toilet paper tubes, which I had hoped would roll the moment a squirrel stepped on them and toss the critters off; a 2 liter soda bottle with the bottom cut off, slid over the cord the feeder hangs by, which I had hoped would prevent the squirrels from climbing down the cord to get to the feeder; an inverted milk jug, again with the bottom cut off, that I hoped would trap the squirrels inside when they came down the cord. None of it worked.

It got to the point where I’d stand at my dining room window, watching the feeder for invading squirrels, then beat on the glass and shout obscenities to scare the bloody things away. But eventually the squirrels learned to ignore even that.

There was no doubt about it. I was losing the war. But then a couple of weeks ago, I found a new squirrel-proof feeder. It’s a long, skinny, plexiglass-glass box encased in a wire frame. The plexiglass-glass box has little windows cut into it so the birds can get at the food, and the wire frame has perches on it for the birds to sit on while they eat. Oh, and the frame has these lovely decorative metal leaves on it, one just above each window. And the wire frame hangs on the box by a pair of springs…

Basically, what happens is this. The birds can sit on the perches and eat, but if Lardo and Co. clamber on, their big fat squirrelly behinds make the wire frame slide down so that the metal leaves cover the windows, effectively shutting them out of the feeder. I’ve seen this in action five times now, and so far it works like a charm. Lardo, Buffalo Butt and That *@#!ing Squirrel spend several minutes hanging on the wire frame trying to figure out how to get to the food, only to give up when they realize the birdie breakfast bar is closed to them.

So for now, I’m winning The War Against The Squirrels. To ensure there are no hard feelings, I’ve started putting out ears of dried corn in a handy little squirrel feeder. I don’t mind feeding the squirrels, you see. I just don’t want them in my bird feeder scaring off all the birds.

Of course now we’ve got some ducks that keep wandering through the backyard and raiding the squirrel feeder every time I turn around. I haven’t found a way to keep them out yet, but honestly, I don’t really care. Lardo and Company can fend for themselves. I’m sure they’ll figure out how to repel these new invaders.

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Move It Mama Monday! Just Dance for the Wii

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Oh my. I have a new favorite workout game for the Wii. Just Dance!

I ordered the game two weeks ago, looking for something a little different that I could add to my Wii workouts. I’d heard some mixed reviews on this game, but thought it would be worth a try, especially when I read one review that mentioned even their 3-year-old was able to play along. Being mommy to a 3-year-old who wants to play Dance Dance Revolution but can’t because she keeps accidentally stepping on all the wrong controls on the dance pad when I try to navigate the game, this made Just Dance particularly interesting to me. I figured I’d get a game I could play with the kids in the evenings while getting a little physical activity in.

Well I got more than I bargained for! The day we got Just Dance, I popped it into the Wii and told the girls to grab Wii-motes. We went through the first four songs, trying out the game, and before I’d gotten through the second song, I was sweating. More than I sweat for DDR, even! Just Dance has players follow along as a dancer on screen goes through various dance moves to popular songs. The game to me straight back to the parties I used to attend in college, where a bunch of students all piled into one apartment living room and frantically danced their asses off until they collapsed sun-up the next day. The dance moves are terrific, and very energetic. Unlike DDR, where you have to hit the right spot on the arrow pad at the right time, you’re mimicking actual dance moves on the screen. The dance styles and music range from 1950s rock and roll to recent hits and dance moves. So far the girls and I have danced to “Girls Just Want to Have Fun,” “Ring My Bell,” “A Little Less Conversation,” “The Surfing Bird,” “Cotton-eyed Joe,” and “Move It!” (the theme song from the Madagascar movies). We love it!

Pixie, my darling 3-year-old, has managed to win a few rounds of the game even though she holds the Wii-mote in the wrong hand. She just gets up and shakes her little tushie and waves the Wii-mote around, and every now and then manages to hit enough of the moves just right to win. Princess is hooked on the game, especially since she thinks the dancer in “The Surfing Bird” looks just like one of her uncles (I have to admit, the guy could be a dead wringer for my brother-in-law). And me, I’m just tickled to have something fun that causes me to sweat that much!

We played the game Saturday night with Mich, a friend of ours. I was worried that we might be causing her to have a heart attack, but she was having a blast. Players are able to drop in and out of the game at any time in the “quick play” mode (don’t know about “challenge mode” yet), which meant we could swap off or take a break as we needed to. Mich and I did agree that next time we needed to be better prepared to play, by wearing sweats and sports bras. These dance moves are not under-wire friendly, and I seriously worried that I might bust a bra while busting a move.

Over all, I highly recommend the game. Yeah, it’s only got 30 songs, but they’re very cool, the graphics are a candy-colored acid trip, and you’ll work up a sweat while having fun. I’m thinking of playing the game in the mornings along with a short EASA workout, to combine strength and cardio in one session. I’ll let you know how it works!

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Sunday Contentments – Spring

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The day has gotten away from me. I slept late, worn out after a Saturday filled with swim lessons, karate lessons, and a children’s birthday party, followed by staying up way too late playing a video game I have become enamored of. So I slept in, got to spend a bit of quality time with the Hubster, and as a result I am running four hours behind today.

I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

It’s Spring, a season that brings out both the lazy streak in me as well as the compulsive obsessive streak. I want to relax and enjoy the beautiful weather. At the same time, I want to burn my house to the ground and start all over again from scratch, as I believe that would be quicker than trying to fix everything that’s currently bothering me about it. I want to talk a nice slow walk in the balmy afternoon, and I want to run three miles and spend an hour practicing karate in the local tennis court. I want to lie in bed, and I want to get up early so I can get a jump on house cleaning.

What’s a girl to do?

I live with it. I try to relax, and work at a slow but steady pace. So far today, I’ve spent the morning with my husband, had breakfast with the girls (soft boiled egg on toast, my favorite!), gone for a 2 mile run, did 25 minutes of karate practice, and repaired my favorite pair of jeans which have been hanging on my door knob for several months, waiting for me to iron a patch in the rip along the center seam. Hubster has taken the girls off to Norfolk Botanical Gardens while I work on blog posts for this week, laundry, and some cover art for a client who I swear is just begging to have me come find him and bitch-slap him into the next millennium. I’m doing my very best to just enjoy the quiet time and ignore that single annoyance.

I’ve got my favorite Hawaiian shirt on, along with my favorite, recently repaired jeans. Chris Isaac’s Baja Sessions is playing on the stereo while I work, and I indulged in a little bit of artwork this afternoon, as you can see above. Life isn’t perfect, but it’s good.

As soon as the weather turned warm, I started coming up with plans for things I’d like to do around the house and the yard. I’m gardening again this year. I have waaaaay too many seedlings sitting on my window sills, waiting to die at my hands. I have books on craft projects for the home that I’ve book marked, trying to decide what I want to make first. Slip covers for the dining room chairs, or small hanging hampers for the laundry area to help sort my delicates and whites? Or maybe three matching gardening aprons for the girls and I?

Spring, it’s the season of possibilities where I feel like I can do anything and absolutely nothing at the same time. Reality will set in as the weather gets warmer, and by June I’ll be wondering how I’ll survive until October comes with cool weather. In the meantime, I’m going to dream and clean and laze about and scheme.

How do you plan to enjoy your spring?

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The Science of Sex – Female Mating Strategies Laid Out In Romance Titles?

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Welcome back to “The Science of Sex,” a new blog topic I’m doing that looks at the scientific aspects of sexuality and how they might apply to the erotica genre.

This week’s topic is an article that ran in the UK Guardian, entitled “Evolutionary psychologists turn attention to romantic fiction.” The basic gist of the article is that scientists analyzed 15000 book titles from Harlequin Romance, looking for words that might indicate what women look for in a mate. (Definitely read the article for specific details; it is very interesting). Researchers hypothesized that certain key words would be more likely to show up in titles, reflecting the interests they believe women readers have in finding a suitable mate and reproducing.

Words like ‘love,’ ‘bride,’ ‘baby,’ and ‘marriage’ showed up most often, as did occupational titles like ‘doctor’ and ‘cowboy.’

What’s interesting to note here is that the researchers “…concluded that Harlequin romance novel titles were ‘congruent with women’s sex-specific mating strategies, which is surmised to be the reason for their continued international success’.” (This quote comes straight from the UK Guardian article linked to above). This statement, and the key word analysis itself, has me scratching my head a bit. Granted, I’m not a psychologist or evolutionary scientist. However, I’ve got two degrees, both in communications, and was required to conduct a research project for my master’s degree and take courses on qualitative and quantitative research methodology, which is just a fancy way of saying I know a little bit about how research is done and what research findings may or may not actually mean.

For starters, I think it’s interesting the scientists analyzed the titles of 15000 romance novels, but even the most frequently occuring word in those titles – love – only showed up 840 times. If I’m doing my math right, that’s about 5.6%. That’s not a very high percentage. Secondly, I’m not sure how the appearance of words like ‘love,’ ‘bride,’ ‘baby,’ and ‘marriage’ (the most frequently appearing words) are a reflection of “women’s sex-specific mating strategies…” I mean, honestly, I expect to see the words ‘love,’ ‘bride,’ ‘baby,’ and ‘marriage’ show up in romance novel titles because the topic of the book is romance. Just like I’d expect to see words like ‘rocket,’ ‘planet,’ and ‘alien’ show up in a science fiction title or the words ‘death’ and ‘murder’ show up in mystery and crime novel titles. Those words are an indication of the genre of the book.

Analysis on the frequency of occupational words like ‘doctor’ and ‘cowboy’ did seem to jive more with the idea that yes, romance titles reflect what women are looking for in a mate, but again those words didn’t show up frequently enough for me to think their appearance was statistically significant.

And then there’s my final problem with this research. The scientists looked at the novel titles for one publisher and only one publisher – Harlequin. I’m curious to know if they looked at the titles of other romance publishers, would they be able to replicate their results? In other words, would the words ‘love,’ ‘baby’, ‘marriage,’ ‘doctor,’ ‘cowboy,’ etc., show up with the same frequency in another 15000 titles from a different romance publisher? Would they show up more often? Less often? Remember that titles often reflect the brand image of a publisher, so it’s possible that maybe these words showed up so frequently in Harlequin’s titles because Harelquin wants to project a particular brand. Therefor the findings might not hold steady across all publishers. It’d be interesting to see what key words these researchers might find showing up in small, independent publishers and e-publishers. And it’d be really interesting to see what they might find analyzing the titles of erotic romance and GLBTQ romance novels. And if they were to take a look at paranormal romance titles… Can you just imagine what they might make of ‘occupational titles’ like ‘vampire’ and ‘werewolf’?

Anyway, that’s my two-cents worth on the topic. Again, I’m not a scientist, just someone who’s spent a little time studying research methodology, including how to analyze results. And I haven’t read the actual article yet, though I have tracked it down. You can download the PDF at this link – http://www.jsecjournal.com/CoxV3I4.pdf.

Let me know what you think of this, if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said or with the findings of the research. I’m keen to hear what other people think.

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Rats! Episode 10 – Watch Your Step

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No joke. Freshmen cadets were not allowed to use the stairs to exit Shultz dining hall. We always came down into the dining hall via the stairs, after being marched in through the front doors. But when it came time to leave, we could only exit through the back doors. This forced all the rats to take the long way back to the cadet dorms, and it was always a race to see who would get there first – the rats or the upper classmen. Rats weren’t allowed to run unless we were in our gym clothes, but we sure as hell learned how to walk very, very fast.

On those rare days when the rats decided we didn’t feel like going the long way (and when there weren’t enough upper classmen around to stop us), we would rush en mass up the stairs, running over some poor upper classman in the process. I can only recall doing this once as a rat, and we got into trouble for it, but as I recall we ran over our cadet first sergeant so it was worth it.

Other fun insanity that took place in Shultz dining hall. If an upper classman was sitting at the table, we had to ask him or her permission to sit (and we had to be sure to ask the highest ranking upper classman by name and rank, or we’d get in trouble). Also, rats had to wear bibs to every meal. Each company’s rats were expected to buy baby bibs, decorate them, and put them on when we sat down at the table. If you didn’t have your bib, you were in trouble, and so was every other rat sitting with you (that’s the way it always was – if one rat was in trouble, all rats were in trouble).

Another thing, we had to eat sitting at attention. This was usually only during breakfast and dinner, when the entire company marched to the dining hall together after formation. I hated sitting at attention to eat. It meant I had to stare straight ahead at some other rat, who was staring straight back at me. It was extremely hard not to burst out laughing sometimes because the whole damn affair was so stupid, and because some of my male buds looked pretty funny with their heads shaved.

I also recall that the rats in our company (Hotel Company, for anyone who’s interested) had to come up with a company song, and we had to sing it, standing on our chairs in the dining hall. I think I still remember that song too.

H Company was marching just the other day!
And we saw First Sergeant Phillips, we had something to say!
We said “Hey First Sergeant Phillips, man what’s up with you!”
And here is what First Sergeant started to do!

He said,
“Beat! Your face! Beat, beat your face!”
(Uh-huh!)
“Beat! Your face! Beat, beat your face!”
(Uh-huh!)

Or something like that. First Sergeant Phillips was actually Cadet First Sergeant Phillips, a man who was dedicated to making our lives a living hell. He was very good at his job. The phrase “Beat your face!” means “Get down in the push up position and crank out push ups until I say stop!” It was something Cadet First Sergeant Phillips said quite frequently.

I don’t know if the rats all still eat at Shultz dining hall, or if they still have to wear bibs or stand on their chairs to sing songs, but that’s what we had to do waaaaaaay back when.

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ACW Episode 60 – Sometimes you need a little inspiration

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Sometimes, when writing, a gal needs a little inspiration. A little visual inspiration, if you know what I mean…

I will admit, I have searched the internet for porn and erotica, both for writing and art, and at times out of simple boredom. Occasionally, I’ve come across things that have surprised me, but these days I’m more often surprised by what comes out of my own fingertips when I type.

I’m not a huge fan of porn. There’s this age old argument amongst erotica writers about what the difference is between porn and erotica. Some say porn has no plot, no characterization, no point, where as erotica has all these things. Some folks say porn and erotica are the same thing, but porn is what other people watch while erotica is what the writer creates.

I say this. Erotica is a genre that looks at sex and its related issues and how these things affect people’s lives. Every day, we make choices with regards to sex. Should we have it or not today? With whom? And why? If we buy this toothpaste, will we really look as sexy as the girl in the commercial? If I sleep with this guy, will I finally be happy/fulfilled/not so damned bored with my life? And so on. These are the stories I enjoy writing, and the ones I most enjoy reading. And when it comes to more visual material, I kind of feel the same way, although being a visual creature, a picture of a naked man engaged in illicit pursuits of any kind is still going to jump start the sexual center of my brain.

Anyway, that’s my take on erotica vs. porn. Ask around. You’ll find that other people’s definitions will vary, and who’s to say who’s right and who’s wrong? Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to do some research for a story…

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Move It Mama Monday! Another New EA Sports Active?

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I found this article earlier in the week, discussing the newest version of EA Sports Active coming out this fall. It looks like the new version will incorporate a new leg strap as well as an arm strap and heart rate monitor. No more remotes required to do the workouts, and if that’s the case I’m hoping it may possible to use hand weights instead of resistance bands for the workouts. I’ve broken two resistance bands using EASA and have had a bit of a time finding replacement bands that are long enough and sturdy enough to use with the game.

Supposedly, the new EASA will also be able to download new content for the PSP version. No work yet on whether the Wii version will also be able to do so. I’m hoping so, otherwise Wii owners who play EASA will be up in arms.

Other improvements I’d like to see, but that weren’t mentioned in the article…

  • More stretching exercises. A lot more stretching exercises, in fact.
  • More warm up and cool down routines. The EASA More Workouts only has one routine for warm up and one for cool down, and doing those for six weeks straight got old real fast.
  • Yoga routines. With the new wireless leg and arm remotes, I think this would be the ideal time for EASA to incorporate yoga into it’s workout options.
  • Bring back some of the old games from the original version of EASA, including the baseball, basketball, tennis and volley ball games. I put together entire workouts that were nothing but those sports games and they gave me a real workout. I’d love to see them brought back.
  • An option to pre-program EASA for a certain number of workouts a week based on what the user wants. The 6-week challenge demands you do 4 workouts a week for six weeks straight, which can be a little tough to work in if you do other forms of exercise during the week. I would rather have done 2 regularly scheduled workouts in addition to my water aerobics classes, karate classes, and other Wii workouts. Granted, I can still do that by picking the 6-week challenge workouts on my own from the menu and going through them in order, but the pre-programmed function would have been nice to have.

Keeping that last comment above in mind, I’m thinking of working EASA back into my morning workouts, maybe twice a week, interspersed between Gold’s Gym Cardio, Wii Fit Plus and DDR or the new Just Dance game that I’ve ordered. I don’t like to get bored, obviously, and mixing things up like this will give me plenty of ways to keep active.

If anybody has comments on working out with any of the above games, or with any games I haven’t mentioned, post them below. I’m interested in hearing what others have to say about working out with the Wii.

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Sunday Contentments – Nostalgia

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Last Friday, I had one perfect moment of nostalgia.

I was in the pool at the YMCA, taking my regular water aerobics class, when I saw a woman and a small child come into the pool. The child was a perfect chubby little three-year-old girl, with pigtails and a fishy print bathing suit, and she toddled around on her perfect chubby little legs with her mother trotting after her. They got into the pool together and the mother held onto the little girl and carried her around in the water, hoisting her up into the air and bringing her down with a splash, or standing at the side of the pool and helping her child jump into the water.

As I watched them, I was suddenly taken back four years, to a time when it was just me and Princess, and once a week I would bring her royal chubbiness to the pool to splash around just like that. Looking back, things seemed a lot simpler then, even though I know they weren’t. But still, those memories have a golden haze to them as a perfect time in my life.

I haven’t taken Pixie to the pool as much, due to scheduling conflicts. You’d be amazed at how busy a three-year-old’s life can be, as well as my own. But I’ve made some changes recently to free up our Wednesday mornings, and I’m thinking that this Wednesday, I’ll bring my own perfectly chubby little three-year-old to the pool so that she and I can splash around and make a few nostalgic moments that I can enjoy years down the line.

Enjoy your Sunday, folks.