Author: Cynical Woman

Cartoonist, Artist, Geek, Evil Crafter, Girl Scout Troop Leader and Writer. Also, a zombie. I haven't slept in I don't know how long.
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Writing Wednesday – Kathleen Bradean talks about writing and kids!

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If you’re a regular reader here, you know my life centers around two things – my family and my writing. The kids keep me especially busy, and it’s been tough over the years to figure out how to balance my work with my maternal duties. But it can be done, thus proving in at least one instance you can have your cake and eat it too.

Since you’ve all heard me rant before about my life as an erotica writer and stay-at-home mom, I thought I’d give someone else a chance to talk about the topic today. Someone truly talented who also deals with some of the same things I deal with. Today’s guest post is by one of my favorite erotica writers, Kathleen Bradean. Take it away, Kathleen…

*****

Many years ago, I was dropping off eldest daughter at her grandmothers for a meeting of their mutual admiration society. I had a list of errands to run, so I was in a hurry. Not M. Oh sure, she wanted to see Nana (and had been bouncing in her car seat the entire drive over chanting “Nana, Nana!”) but on the porch, she stopped and squatted down.

“Potty?” (Children teach you concise dialog)

“Ants!”

There was a double lane superhighway of ants streaming from the camellia, across the porch, and into the tangerine tree. Sure, I’d seen them, I guess, but who pays attention? Little kids do. The big details of the world – like how clean clothes end up in their closet or how rent is paid – are of no interest, but the tiny details loom large. That’s something a writer has to relearn. Characters are about the small details. Does your character hide her almost completed copy of the New York Times crossword in her nightstand drawer when she brings a date into her bedroom? Or does she kick her t-shirt under the bed real quick? Does someone have to open her medicine cabinet to snoop, or do they merely have to poke over the clutter around her sink?

“Honey, please don’t put the hair clippy on kitty’s ear.”

“Why is Barbie’s head floating in the toilet?”

If you ever despaired that every possible combination of words has already been used by other writers, kids will show that isn’t true. All kinds of seemingly unrelated words can be strung together in a sentence that has never been uttered by another human, and make sense (in context). Even if a dozen writers wrote about Barbie’s head floating in their toilets, the stories would be different. If they all used the same words, the combinations would still be unique.

While visiting my niece, I was ordered to join her tea party. M was never into that, and either was I when I was young, so my imaginary tea party skills were lacking. My niece glared at me. “You’re doing it wrong!” I apologized profusely to my hostess. Then I knocked over the tea pot and set it upright. My niece crossed her twiggy arms over her chest. “Aren’t you going to wipe that up?” My sister snickered in the other room.

Pink power is intimidating when wielded by a three foot nothing towhead. Even something mundane like sipping air tea and munching invisible cookies has an underlying wealth of imaginary detail. The problem was that I couldn’t tap into her vision of what we were doing. That, and I didn’t clean up my spill. A writer can’t expect readers to mind read. The scene has to be set, the important details conveyed. Otherwise, your readers will be at an entirely different tea party than your characters. It doesn’t matter if they envision the table cloth as a different color than you did, but it does matter if the tea party is high tea at the Four Seasons, or a cuppa with the neighbor while the kids chase the dog across the yard.

The good thing about all this is that you don’t have to have kids of your own to learn these lessons. We think we don’t have time to squat down and watch a line of ants on the porch, so we put blinders on and ignore it. Yes, we have to focus on rent and laundry, but take time to see with fresh eyes the stuff that you usually ignore. We may be in the same world, but oh, how very different it is from a shorter perspective.

*****

Award winning author Kathleen Bradean’s stories can be found in The Best of Best Women’s Erotica 2010, The Sweetest Kiss, The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica 9, Zane’s Sensuality – Caramel Flava II, Broadly Bound, Where the Girls Are, Coming Together Against the Odds, Haunted Hearths and Sapphic Shades, and many other erotica anthologies. Read her reviews on EroticaRevealed.Com and Erotica-Readers.Com. Or let her seduce you 140 characters at a time on Twitter at http://twitter.com/kathleenbradean. Visit her blog at KathleenBradean.Blogspot.com, and find her stories in these anthologies:

Sweetest Kiss: Ravishing Vampire Erotica

Sensuality: Caramel Flava II (Eroticnoir.com Anthology)

The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica 9

Best of Best Women’s Erotica 2

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ACW Episode 51 – Cleaning up and an announcement

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To be honest, the kids did not throw Baby Jesus.

They threw the Virgin Mary. And they didn’t throw her so much as they smacked her around then threw her across the room during a game of “Pirates, Ninjas and Zombies,” wherein the girls use all their Fischer Price Little People, including the Nativity set, to act out some sort of bizarre post-apocalyptic scenario on the living room floor.

Now I know it seems strange that I, the family Buddhist/atheist, would be the one to complain about tossing Bible figures around the house, but you must understand. While I am not a practitioner of any religion (and Buddhism is not religion, since it makes no mention of a deity), I do feel it’s only polite to show respect for those who do believe, and to not desecrate the symbols of their religion. A lot of wars could be averted if only we all showed each other a bit of respect, regardless of each other’s race, creed, gender, sexual preference, political persuasion and religion.

Besides, getting hit in the back of the head by a flying Fischer Price Virgin Mary really hurts.

Starting this Thursday, I will begin posting episodes in a new series. Well, actually it’s an old series, something I drew waaaaaay back in the day before there were such things as “web” comics. Keep your eyes peeled, watch this space, and stay tuned. On Thursday, Rats! begins.

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Move It Mama Monday! New Year’s Goals

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Since I spent last Monday babbling about the wonders of the new EA Sports Active game for the Wii, I thought I should take today to blog about my fitness goals for 2010. These are pretty much just a continuation of what I’ve been doing already, with a few small changes. Without further ado, here’s the plan for this year.

Eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables every day – I usually eat at least 3 servings, but I really need to up it to 5. Also I need to get in a little more variety, so I’ll be trying things I normally turned my nose up at. I’ve already shocked the hell out of my best friend by eating carrots cooked in homemade split pea soup. We’ll see if I can shock her some more with brocolli, brussel sprouts, artichokes, etc.

Eat 1-2 vegetarian meals a day – This goes with the above goal. I made myself sick over the holidays by eating too many fatty foods, mainly greasy meat dishes. And when I say sick, I mean painfully sick. I had my gall bladder removed 12 years ago, so I don’t process a lot of fat real well. Thus when I overwhelm my digestive system with fatty foods, I get shooting, stabbing pains all through my abdomen and lower chest area. Naturally, the longer I’ve been without a gall bladder, the less I am able to deal with a lot of grease and fat in my meals. Since it royally sucks to spend 3 or more days doubled over in agony, I’m going to do my damnedest to avoid being in that position ever again.

Drink 8 glasses of water a day – I need to research this one a bit to see what amount of water qualifies as a “glass.” Is it 8 oz.? More? I usually drink from these huge glasses that hold about 16 oz., so I figure if I get 4-5 big glasses of water a day, I’ll be good, but I’ll have to check.

Attend 2-4 karate classes a week – I’m a second degree black belt, and I need to get to class on a regular basis, especially if I want to eventually reach third degree. The dojo I go to offers day time classes, including weapons class, and has just added a daytime black belt class. This means if I show up on Tuesdays and Thursdays on a regular basis, I can get in 4 hours easily.

Attend water aerobics twice a week – I’m loving the water aerobics, especially since it seems to strengthen my lousy knees. I don’t think this will be a hard goal to meet, given how much fun I’m having.

Complete at least 1 EASA 6-week challenge – I’ve already started the challenge and am finishing up my second week. Unlike the previous version of EASA, the new version doesn’t seem to destroy my knees. The challenge requires I do 4 sessions a week, which is a little challenging to fit into my schedule (but I guess that’s part of why they call it a 6-week challenge). However, this ties in perfectly with the next goal, which is…

Complete 3-5 evening workouts a week – these evening workouts are going to be mini-workouts, 20 minutes or so in length. The average EASA workout is 22 minutes, so this works just fine. When I’m not doing the EASA workouts in the evening, I’m going to fill in with Wii Fit Plus and Gold’s Gym Cardio Boxing. My Fitness Coach is going on the shelf for a while, unless I’m really craving a yoga workout. While it is a very effective workout, I dislike the aerobics style warm up, and just like the old EASA, I’m finding a lot of the leg exercises are killing my knees.

Go to bed no later than 10:30PM – I get up at 4:45AM most mornings, so I really need to get to bed by 10, 10:30 at the latest. The more sleep I get, the better able I am to get up at the ass-crack of dawn the next morning and get a jump on my day. This really matters to me.

Get outside 2-3 times a week, for at least 30 minutes – gardening, yard work, playing games with the kids, taking a walk. I need to do all these things. Of course, it’s unseasonably cold the past coupel of weeks, so I’ve been a real weenie about this one so far. I’m thinking that maybe what I could do is leave the house half an hour early to pick up the kids and use that time to go for a brisk walk or to do some quick clean up around the yard. I’d rather do it after the kids get home, but my resolve always seems to break down when we walk back inside to get hot cocoa and a snack. You see my problem. In any event, I plan to pull out my book on herb gardening and start looking at plans for spring yardwork and gardening.

Get a physical, annual pelvic exam and pap smear, mammogram, dental exam, and eye exam – VERY IMPORTANT. I don’t want to get caught by surprise by any diseases or health conditions, and this is the best way to avoid that. I’ve already had the pelvic exam and pap smear this month. My physical is today. My mammogram is next month, and the dental exam is too. I still need to schedule the eye exam, but I will get that done this week.

And that’s pretty much my goals for 2010. I realize it’s a big list, but keep in mind, a lot of this I was already doing or had a good start on last year. Note I did not list losing weight. Yes, I weigh 10 lbs more than I would like, but I’m not going to beat myself up about that. I’d rather focus on taking care of myself, eating right, and getting plenty of activity than on counting calories and fighting with my weight. Maybe this will be enough to take care of the weight, maybe this will just keep my healthy in other ways. In any event, I’m NOT giving up the occasional dessert and my Friday night pizza.

Have fun this week, and I’ll let you know next week how things are going.

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Sunday Contements – Hobbies

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It’s only 10AM on Sunday, and so far I’ve recorded and produced this week’s Heat Flash Erotica Podcast, gone back to bed, snuggled and cuddled with the Hubster (ah, quality time!), had breakfast, read part of the newspaper, and gotten the laundry going. You can so tell that we are past the holidays here. The day is just going beautifully.

I’m on the couch right now, sipping coffee while I blog. Princess and Hubster have headed out to church, poor Catholic darlings, while Pixie and I remain delightfully heathen and enjoy a quiet morning at home. In a few, I’ll change clothes, exercise, start dinner for the evening, and get to work on folding laundry. Heck, I may even clean a room or two.

But right now, I’m blogging, and today’s topic of contentment is hobbies. I was just reading in Parade Magazine about how people are reacting to the economy and the damage to their incomes. A lot of folks are giving up the big expenses and are focusing on smaller enjoyments. In the paper last week, an article on thrifty living mentioned picking up a hobby as a way to save money. Hobbies can be easy on the wallet, and they give a person something to do with their free time other than shopping. I know for a fact that when I’m busy with writing or art or podcasting, I certainly don’t have time to spend money, so I’m happy to hear someone else agrees this is a good way to save.

I took up a couple new hobbies recently: knitting, which I’ve mentioned here before; and over the holidays I taught myself to crochet. Only the basics, obviously, but I’m doing well enough right now that I can finally indulge in something I’ve wanted to do for a while – make amigurumi dolls.

Amigurumi dolls are tiny little hand-crafted dolls, either sewn, knitted or crocheted. They can be anything from the usual lineup of stuff animals – bears, tigers, etc. – to things more obscure like little stuffed felt tea cups or ice cream sandwiches with smiley faces embroidered on them. I’ve opted to try crocheting a few dolls, since I found a couple of books on making various horror, fantasy, and sci-fi characters. How cool would it be to make a crocheted ninja! Or a Gorgon! Or a zombie!

While I was visiting my in-laws after Christmas, I started my first attempt. I took a ball of cheap rainbow-colored yarn and picked out the simplest pattern of those in my books (a robot zombie, waaaaay cool!). One of my brothers-in-law joked that it looked like I was making hackey sacks. Those were actually the head and body. Then I spent New Year’s Eve chatting with my best friend Mary while I made the legs and arms and stitched the whole thing together. I made plenty of mistakes. It took me a while to figure out how to count the stitches and how to properly decrease each row to make things come out just right. But by the time I’d finished up the last little leg, I had the hang of things. Pixie immediately claimed the end result as her own, and wouldn’t even let me embroider a little face on it. So now she gambols about the house with what looks like a faceless little malformed psychedelic crocheted voodoo doll, and she loves it. We decided to call him Rainbow Baby (or sometimes Fleur, after the ring master in Cirque du Soliel’s Allegria, which is Pixie’s favorite movie right now).

Here’s a picture of Rainbow Baby.

I’ve already started work on the next one, and this time not making nearly as many mistakes. Princess has already laid claim to him. Since Princess and Pixie are now both taking karate classes, I can imagine I’ll be doing quite a bit of crocheting and knitting while I sit in the dojo and wait for them. I like that idea, that I’ll have a couple of hours every week to just sit and make something simple and fun. Especially if what I’m making ends up being a zombie or a ninja or a Gorgon…

Or a faceless little malformed psychedelic crocheted voodoo doll. I mean really, how cool is that?!

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone, and be sure to take time to relax.

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Writing Wednesday – Writing Resolutions for 2010

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Once upon a time, when I had more time on my hands, I used to make a list at the beginning of every quarter of what I had accomplished the previous three months and what I wanted to do in the next three months. I also wrote up a detailed plan on how to do just that. I don’t have that kind of free time any more, and besides, the detailed plans never really worked like I thought the would, nor did I accomplish everything I set out to do. But I still like to stop and take a look at least once a year at where I’ve been and where I’m going.

Last year, I hit over 100 stories written for the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast. Story 119 airs this Friday. That’s a hell of a lot of stories to have written in 2 1/2 years. And that doesn’t even include things I wrote that didn’t air on the podcast. I think all in all, in the last 2 1/2 years I’ve written nearly 130, maybe 140 stories. That’s a LOT of writing.

I started up the Cynical Woman cartoon back in 2008 and kept it going through 2009. Since the start of the school year, I’ve been able to get back into drawing one cartoon a week, and now have 50 cartoons under my belt. That’s a lot of cartooning.

Also this past year, I released two short story collections – Future Perfect and Welcome to Mundania (see the sidebar on the right for buy links *hint, hint*). Again, more writing, and more publication credits to my name.

I had a handful of short stories published this year. One in Coming Together: Al Fresco, one in Wired Hard 4, one in Nerdvana… I’m sure there were others, but with so much writing going on, it’s hard to keep track. Oh, and my first book, Demon By Day, finally got pirated. Nothings says “I’ve made it” in the writing business like having someone steal your book and distribute it to the masses without paying you a dime.

Fact is, I did a hell of a lot last year. Enough to make me think that I really have reached the next level of my career, the one where I’m past the unknown starving artist phase and am now just a starving artist. With that in mind, I now turn my attention to 2010 and the next stage of my career (i.e. not-so-starving artist). Here’s what I’d like to do for 2010…

Resolution #1 – Continue to produce the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast for at least one more year… then do something new. I’m to the point where I’ve written so many stories for the podcast, I’m having a hard time keeping track of them all. That tells me that maybe it’s time for a change. Come the end of September, I’ll have reached the 3-year mark, and will probably have more than 150 episodes written and produced. That would be a good time to change gears, I think. Heat Flash won’t go away entirely, but it may go on hiatus for a couple months and then come back as something a little different.

Resolution #2 – Continue to draw one Cynical Woman cartoon a week. I love the cartoon. It’s a lot of work, an entire work day out of my week in fact, but I keep hoping that if I continue, I’ll get faster and the work will get easier. Even if it doesn’t, I still love doing the cartoon. Plus I think it’s a great way to promote all my other work.

Resolution #3 – Start writing in the evenings after the girls have gone to bed. Sunday through Thursday evenings from 8-10PM are now officially designated as writing hours. I’m still getting into the habit so I haven’t gotten very far with it yet, but I do plan to have those two hours set for nothing but writing by the end of the month. November’s PerNoFiMo challenge showed me I could turn out quite a bit of writing in the evenings if I set my mind to it, and I have books I want to write. Speaking of which…

Resolution #4 – Finish the first draft of Whip It! by August 2010. I would like to have it done sooner, but I need to do a lot of research on this project. It’s a contemporary erotica novel about a chef named Lucy who has serious self-esteem issues. Of course, she also fantasizes about being a dominatrix. Oh, and she’s been framed for poisoning a food critic. I’ve written almost 80K words so far, and parts of it are hysterically funny. I really need to finish it, because then I can move onto…

Resolution #5 – Finish writing “The Little Death” or “The Cup Bearer” this year. Two more erotica novels I started but didn’t finish. “The Little Death” is more sci-fi noir than erotica (think Blade Runner meets Wuthering Heights). “The Cup Bearer” is a retelling of the myth of Ganymede, the beautiful boy Zeus stole and made his personal servant in Olympus. I love both stories, and want to get to one of them some time this summer.

Resolution #6 – Send out to 4 review sites on the first Friday of every month. I’ve gotten a couple of good reviews recently, and need to put in for more, especially now that I have three books to my name. I try to do this weekly, but it never happens, so I’m just making that first Friday a promo day for the month and getting all my reviews sent out that day.

Resolution #7 – This is one I’m already working on. I’ve been asked to write a novella for an anthology, and am already in the reading/researching/planning stage. This is what I’ll be spending my evenings working on for the next two months. I’m very excited about this, since this was a direct invitation to write for this project.

Resolution #8 – Write another short story for Coming Together. I’d like to submit at least one short story a year for Coming Together, because I think what Alessia Brio is doing is wonderful. I don’t know of anyone else who does what she does. All proceeds for the Coming Together books go to charity. I have a special story in mind for one anthology, and it’s so naughty I think Alessia will like it 😉

Resolution #9 – Promote where the readers are. I’ve said it before. I hate Yahoo groups for promotion. I’d rather find other forums to get involved in, where I can meet people, get to know them, let them get to know me, and maybe get them interested in my work. This kind of promotion is a serious investment of time. It means becoming an active part of a community. I’ve got one place in mind, Y! Gallery, which is a yaoi art forum. I can enjoy the artwork, make comments, talk to other artists and writers, etc. I see no bad in that. This would also give me a reason to do more artwork as well, and maybe indulge in some fun writing that has nothing to do with the drive to get published. Again, I see no bad in any of that. I’ll see what happens with Y! Gallery this year (and yes, I’m limiting myself to just the one forum, because with 9 resolutions, I don’t need to add anything more to my plate).

So there you have it. My New Year’s writing resolutions. Quite a list, ain’t it? But I think somehow it will get done.

So, does anyone have any writing resolutions they’d like to share? Let me know in the comments section!

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Episode 50 – We have to ask…

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No, seriously. This question has been asked repeatedly by both girls since Christmas morning. Oy vey…

And yes, Princess did get an archery set. If you ever come over to visit, watch yourself!

Hope everybody had a good holiday. My New Year’s resolutions for cartooning are to continue to turn out one Adventures of Cynical Woman cartoon a week, and to dig out an old project to share. More on that later this week (assuming I can find said old project).

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Move It Mama Monday! The new EA Sports Active

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Guess what I got for Christmas! The new EA Sports Active. You know, the one labeled “More Games!” My younger sister gave it to me as a gift, and it has been very much appreciated, let me tell you!

If you’ve been following Move It Mama Monday for a while, you’ll probably recall I had a love/hate relationship with the previous incarnation of EASA. I liked that the game included plenty of strength exercises, but I lamented its lack of cardio activity and the damage it seemed to do to my knees. After completing my one and only 30-day challenge with the original EASA, I wound up having to take 2-4 Advil a day for a week to deal with the knee pain I suffered. In the end, I pretty much shelved EASA in favor of Wii Fit, although by that point I’d played Wii Fit to death.

Well, out comes the new EASA, and so far I’ve completed 6 workouts on it in the last two weeks. I definitely think the new game is an improvement. For starters, all the preprogrammed workouts now include a warm-up and cool-down session to help loosen up the old joints. Many of the original exercises that caused me so many problems with my knees have either been replaced or reworked, although this game does still include a lot of jumping around and lunging, so be careful if you have bad knees. Many of the strength exercises have been reworked too, making them more effective and easier to do in my opinion. And the biggest change? The scenery. No longer are you stuck at the local park/track doing your workout. Now the game centers on a beach resort, which I think is an improvement.

For my first three workouts with the game, I picked sessions from the preprogrammed workouts menu. I stuck with either the medium or easy workouts, recalling how much I had hurt when I first started with the original EASA. The workouts at these levels are still intense enough to make me really sweat, which made me very happy.

On New Year’s Eve, I started my 6-week challenge. Apparently too many people (including yours truly) had trouble completing the old 30-day challenge within 30 days, so the time frame was expanded to 6 weeks. It’s still a demand on the schedule though, requiring 4 workouts a week to meet that 6 week goal. I can do it, especially since I’ve started doing shorter workouts in the evenings anyway, but if you’re already on a regular workout schedule with some other activity, you might want to think twice about the 6-week challenge.

I’ll keep you updated on my progress with my 6-week challenge (and once again, learning from prior experience, I opted for the medium intensity challenge, not the hard!). Meantime, here are a quick list of the pros and cons that I see so far with the new EASA.

Pros:

  • The exercises I hated most, the ones that really killed my knees, appear to be gone or replaced by exercises that aren’t as painful to do.
  • The new scenery is much nicer. Quite frankly, I was getting pretty dang tired of that park in the old game. If I’m going to work out in a virtual world, then I’ll take a virtual tropical island any day.
  • The new EASA now uses the balance board to check your weight every week! And you don’t have to put up with any snarky attitude if you gain a couple pounds. The game just tracks your weight; it doesn’t try to destroy your soul (like a certain Wii Fit game that shall otherwise remain nameless…).
  • There are some interesting new games, like squash, water skiing, an obstacle course, etc., that are fun to do.
  • The challenge now takes 6-weeks as opposed to only 30 days. I can handle 6 weeks.
  • No more freaky inspirational videos from Bob Whatshisface! I don’t know about you guys, but that very nice man who pimps EASA really creeped me out every time he showed up on camera. The way he grinned, I was afraid he was going to jump out of the TV and eat me!

Now for the cons:

  • The game is still rough on the knees. I’m hoping that getting back into my regular water aerobics class will fix this. Water aerobics seems to go a long way toward strengthening the muscles that support my knees. I’ll need that to keep up with all the lunging and jumping that still shows up in EASA.
  • The new EASA doesn’t seem to have “More Exercises” so much as “All New Exercises.” In other words, a lot of the old stuff is gone. While they updated and improved the boxing, I have yet to see the tennis, volley ball, or baseball games. I can’t say yet if those are really gone, but from comments I’ve seen on line, it looks like they may be. This would be a shame, because those were the games that I enjoyed the most on the original EASA.
  • The warm up and cool down are the same for every single workout. I was hoping for more in the stretching department. Instead, every workout starts and ends out with the same exercises. That’s not just boring, it’s a waste. They couldn’t put together a few more warm up and cool down routines? How about more stretches for the arms and legs? Neck rotations even! Bah! I will never find a Wii game that really includes stretching.

And that’s about it. I’m hopeful that between my regular daytime workouts (water aerobics, karate) and regular evening workouts (EASA, Gold’s Gym Cardio, Wii Fit Plus), I’ll be able to get myself back into shape. We’ll see what the results are in a month, I suppose.

Next week, I’ll make a list of New Year’s health and fitness resolutions. I should have done that this week, but what can I say? I was just too danged excited about the new EASA.

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Sunday Contentments – the party’s over!

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It is very late on Sunday, much later than I normally post my Sunday Contentments, but I had a busy, busy day at the tail end of two busy, busy weeks. As predicted, the holidays hit like a freight train, though I think this year I gave myself more of a break than on previous years. I did plenty of baking and cooking, saw all my friends and family, and hit a few of the local holiday attractions with the Hubster and the kids. We even managed to see an exhibit on Egyptian mummies at the Chrysler Museum today to close out our whirlwind holiday break. And now…

I can finally take a break from the break.

I am more than ready to slow down. My sleep and work schedule have been all screwed up since the girls got out of school. I have stayed up too late and slept in too often. Now I’ve got to drag myself back into my routines and get cracking. I have a novella to write, a podcast to keep up with, and a convention to attend this month (if you are just absolutely dying to see me, I’ll be at Marscon in Williamsburg the weekend of the 15th-17th to talk about science fiction and erotica writing – woo hoo!). Yes indeed, it’s time to get back to work. But first, a moment to reflect on what I did enjoy the past two weeks, because that’s what Sunday Contentments are all about.

The biggest of life’s little enjoyments the last two weeks was being able to spend time with the kids. I don’t know if we spent it together wisely or not. We did spend more time watching TV than I would have liked. But we did go out quite a bit too. We went to two parties, two holiday lights displays, two museums, one botanical garden, and a couple of movies (don’t ask which ones because right now I’ll be damned if I can remember), as well as two aunts, two uncles, one cousin and two grandparents (Hubster’s folks). We ate… a lot! And I have discovered that yes, it really is time for me to give up the high fat foods. Without a gall bladder, those things just kill me.

I did a little reading too, the last couple of weeks, three books which I enjoyed (and aside from the last one, Atherton: The House of Power, I can’t recall the others right now because my noggin is still too full with factoids on Egyptian funerary rituals). And I learned a new craft – crocheting. I ended up teaching myself with the help of a few books, and made the lumpiest neon-colored voodoo doll you’d ever want to see. We’re calling it Rainbow Baby. Pixie has since claimed it as her own.

I think it’s significant that my last creative act of the new year was learning to crochet that doll. I enjoyed it, and was very proud that I figured out how to do it by myself. I need to do more things like that, so you’ll probably see a whole string of lumpy little dolls from me as I work out how to put them together. Don’t laugh or I will knit you an ugly sweater and make you wear it.

So I had fun in spite of the chaos that comes with the holidays, and I think one of my resolutions for 2010 will be to do a little more reading, a little more knitting, a little more crocheting and a little more relaxing with the family. I want to start a family game night, either Friday or Saturday night, whenever the Hubster is home, and we finally have enough kid-friendly games to make that a possibility. The first game night is scheduled for this weekend, and I’ll let you know if it gets off the ground or not.

Beyond that, it’s late and I really need to get to bed. Actually, it’s not that late, not even 10PM yet, but that’s another of my resolutions, to be in bed and asleep by 10PM. So good night to you all, and I hope you enjoyed a wonderful holiday season, whatever holiday you celebrate.

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Writing Wednesday – The Gift of the Magician

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In light of the upcoming holiday, I thought I’d offer up a Christmas story this week. The Gift of the Magician originally ran on the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast in December 2007. For more info on the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast, visit www.heatflash.libsyn.com. Free erotica stories in MP3 format every week, folks! Don’t say I never gave you anything 😉

The Gift Of The Magician
 by Helen E. H. Madden

“Merry Christmas, lover!”

Backstage at the Mercury Theater, Trixie kissed Hocus-Pocus Henry. Her eyes shone brighter than the spangles on her threadbare costume as she handed the magician a long, flat box. Greta the Great lit a cigarette and groaned.

“You actually bought that fraud a present?”

Trixie ignored the grousing matron. “Open it!” she squealed to Henry.

“Here? Now?” Sweating, Henry peeled back the wrapping and gasped. “Is that…?”

“The Saw of Sergei the Severe!” Trixie exclaimed. “He used it to cut up Madam Splatvatsky! Do you like it?”

Still stunned, he nodded. “It’s wonderful! But how did you afford it?”

“She sold her wardrobe,” Greta answered, flicking cigarette ash in his direction. “Waste of money, if you ask me. **You’ll** never get that thing to work.”

“He will too!” Trixie snapped. “Henry’s worked real magic before!”

Greta scoffed. “So he pulled a rabbit out of his ass.”

“Can you do it?” Trixie demanded of her.

“No, but I can buy a present for my assistant.” Smoke streamed from Greta’s nostrils. “You get Trixie **anything** this year, Henry?”

“Um, it’s at home…”

“Riiiiight.”

As Trixie rushed to his defense, Henry vanished from the theater. Outside, he checked his pockets. He found his wand, a deck of cards, and smelly rabbit’s foot, but no money.

“Well then,” he said, gripping his wand. “I shall conjure up a present using this!” He hurried off to Prophetic Pawn.

That evening, Trixie appeared on stage in a brand-new costume. The skimpy outfit dazzled the audience as she stepped into the magician’s box.

“You can do it!” she whispered to Henry as he closed the lid.

With trembling hands, he shoved the saw through his lover, slicing her in half with the serrated edge. When he was done, he flung open the lid. Trixie waved from the box as her legs hopped out and paraded across the stage. The crowd roared with delight.

Trixie stuck out her tongue at Greta as an elated Henry carried her offstage. “Told you he could do it!” she quipped.

Greta sneered as Trixie’s capered past. “Whatever!”

Back in their dressing room, Henry set the bisected woman on the couch.

“For my next trick, I will need my lovely assistant!” He knelt at Trixie’s feet and pulled off her sequined panties. She giggled as he buried his face between her thighs, and then reached for Henry’s erect cock to work a few magic tricks of her own.

Two hours later, Greta banged on the door. “Henry! Are you two done in there? It’s closing time! Quit fucking around and put that girl back together.”

“Certainly!” he called back, a grin plastered across his sticky face. “All it takes is a wave of my wand…”

His smile faded as he patted the pockets of his tux. “My wand… my wand… oh shit.”

“What’s wrong?” Trixie asked. She struggled to pull the panties back up her legs.

“I need my wand to put you back together.”

“And?”

“I, uh, pawned it to buy your costume.” Henry dropped onto the couch and hit his head against the wall. “Shit, shit, shit.”

Trixie sighed. “Oh Henry.”

The Gift of the Magician, by Helen E. H. Madden, copyright 2007.

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Episode 49 – When I’m bad…

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Oh yes, I’ve written much, much worse, as a matter of fact 😉 Like the gay Santa story that comes out Christmas Day on the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast. Though if you’re in a hurry to hear that little gem, you could listen to it on Radio Dentata Christmas Eve.

I’m headed out of town on Monday to visit family, so don’t know if I will have a cartoon ready before I go. Hopefully yes, but you and I both know that train wreck known as Christmas is coming on fast, ready to run me over and squash me flat. We’ll see what happens, but if you don’t see anything from me between now and New Year’s Eve, merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa and a bounteous Bodhi Day to you and yours.