Category: Exercise

I had a big surprise last week. Princess’ gym teacher called me at home to invite me to an awards ceremony. Apparently my girl had been named one of two top kindergarten students in P.E. for the year. Needless to say, I’m chuffed. Aside from one sparring trophy, this is the first award Princess has ever received that wasn’t an “everybody gets one” deal. Meaning she actually had to earn this award. And she earned it, according to her gym teacher, by being attentive, helpful, polite, always prepared for class (i.e. we always make her wear sneakers to school), and by basically running the pants off of everybody else in school. She’s a regular Flashy Fast Foot, I’m told, my freakishly tall daughter who can race like the wind.

Pixie is just as active as Princess. She loves to run races, and climbs all over everything. Princess’ karate instructor has already noticed that Pixie is very “physical” and can’t wait to see what she’s like when she starts taking karate classes. Yep, I’ve got two little athletes on my hands.

And I have no idea where they get it from.

**I** was never an athlete. Growing up, I hated recess because I couldn’t run fast enough to play tag, and I sucked at jumping rope. I was the proverbial kid who was picked last for dodge ball teams, and I had such poor hand-eye coordination I couldn’t even hit the ball in T-ball. My dislike of recess turned to full-blown loathing by the time I hit middle school and I had to wear a butt-ugly gym suit to do even worse tasks like volley ball and soccer. Then every spring semester, we had to take the same stupid physical fitness test, consisting of such torments as the flex arm hang and the shuttle run. I was always guaranteed to get the worst score in the class. I just sucked at athletics.

Naturally, my father decided I would excel in ROTC. Should I even get into how miserable that was? During the four years I struggled through college, I spent more time puking up my guts before 8 AM than most people will do all their lives. I ran miles across the campus during company runs, got crushed in team sports pile ups, and left my lungs and stomach somewhere in Lane Stadium while running sets of stadium steps. My push ups were a true testament to the law of gravity (i.e. gravity sucks and thus so did my push ups). To this day, I have no idea how I got my commission in the Army Reserves.

Some time after college though, things changed. I was no longer subjected to the tyranny of drill instructors and gym teachers. It was finally up to me and me alone to make sure I exercised. And to my amazement, I did. Two years after I finished ROTC, I was once again running across the campus of Virginia Tech, but this time eating up the miles instead of puking up my guts. I started weight lifting too. When I got married, Michael and I got memberships to a gym and worked out three or more evenings a week. Then I took at job at a nearby Air Force base, and made regular use of their gym and running trails. When I finally quit the day job, Michale and I signed up for karate classes, and spent five days a week at the dojo. I used to spend my mornings running a couple of miles through the neighborhood, stop at a local gym to lift, and then walk next door to the dojo to practice karate for half an hour before walking back home.

Having kids slowed me, obviously. My knees have never fully recovered from pregnancy, and a couple of sparring injuries put an end to my running days. But I found alternative activities – swimming, walking, yoga, Wii Fit. I still go to karate, and am hopeful I can get back to a regular schedule of 2-3 classes a week. I am a black belt, after all. I need to keep training.

I’ve been thinking about this summer, how I’m going to keep the kids and myself happily employed and active. Both girls are eager to hit every playground in the area this summer. We’ll do it too. Playgrounds, gardening, swimming, karate… we’ll have plenty to do this summer, me and my athlete daughters.

Wii Fit says I’m fat. My gynecologist says I’ve got an inner ear infection.

And yes, those two statements are actually related! I know, the latter statements sounds a little weird. “Uh, did you say your gynecologist said you had an ear infection?” And I know what you’re thinking. “That’s a strange place to keep your ears, Helen…” And just so you know, my good friend Nobilis of the Nobilis Erotica Podcast already beat you to that joke. But it’s true.

You see, the past two weeks I’ve had a slew of female troubles (and if that sort of things grosses you out, you can stop reading here, although it won’t be that gross so why not read on and quit being a big baby, okay?). For starters, my last period was five days late. Considering my plumbing works like clockwork (yeah, I’m mixing my metaphors here), five days is an awful lot of being late. However, I took three home pregnancy tests and they all came out negative, and then I went to the doctor’s office and they did a pregnancy test on me and that came out negative too.

Then my period finally started. But it was really light. And it only lasted four days. And I was having Braxton Hicks contractions. Lots of Braxton Hicks contractions. And then the dizziness started and I couldn’t pry myself out of bed or off the couch for anything. And did I mention my weight suddenly shot up about five pounds?

So I took another pregnancy test, because I swear it felt like I was pregnant. But that came out negative too, and so did another one at the gynecologist’s office. And then when I told my doc about all the symptoms and the dizziness, he decided to take a look at my ears, and he saw…

Both eardrums packed with fluid!

That explained the dizziness right there. Apparently the pollen count has been rather high in our area, and I had an allergic reaction of sorts that involved fluid in my ears rather than snot leaking out my nose.

As for the contractions, the doc did a quick ultrasound on me and confirmed that not only was I soooooo not pregnant (I really was worried about an ectopic pregnancy at that point), but that I also had no fibroid tumors in my uterus. What I did have was one hell of a thick lining of blood and tissue in there, some of which should have shed during my last, late period, but didn’t. No, it had just stayed there, building up until it looked like my uterus was packed solid with tissue and blood, all of it now just waiting for my next menstrual cycle to start so I can bleed like Noah’s Biblical flood while I lay on the couch clutching my heating pad, popping half a dozen Advil and just basically dying of cramps.

Did I say this post wasn’t going to be gross? Sorry…

So anyway, all of this has led me to two conclusions. The first is that the new plants I’ve potted know all about Operation Kill A Lot Of Plants, and they’re going on the offense, clogging my ears with pollen until I’m too dizzy to garden/kill a lot of plants. The second conclusion is that Wii Fit don’t know Jack about female trouble, because if it did it wouldn’t tell me I’m fat when instead I’m actually just carrying around a ton of extra unshedded uterus lining and stocking up on water weight because we all know you can’t have female troubles without adding a ton of water weight to your girlish figure. And Wii Fit also wouldn’t be giving me crap about missing days because I was too damned dizzy and bloated to get on the machine and work out!

To combat my problems, I sent the Hubster out to get me some Clariten D to unclog my ears. I’m also drinking lots of water to help flush out all the water weight and stave off any ultra-nasty PMS symptoms I fear may be headed my way. And I’ve tweaked my schedule to give me a little more exercise time as well because if I can get my weight down even a little, that will also help alleviate some of the PMS symptoms which I know are going to be bad.

So that’s it for Move It Mama Monday. I’m fat and I’m dizzy and now I have to cope with those conditions and get my assets back on the balance board before I turn into Moby Dick. Wish me luck!

To quote the late, great Madeline Kahn, everything from the neck down is kaput. I am soooooo tired today, literally dragging myself through everything I have to do. I spent the weekend in Richmond attending Ravencon, and like a kid at a playground, I just wore myself out. I attended a slew of panels on podcasting and webcomics, stayed up too late chatting with friends I don’t get to see often enough, and in general had a lot of grown-up fun (by which I mean I was able to do things without constant interuption from my kids, who stayed home all weekend with the Hubster – I love that man).

But after all that fun (which I know doesn’t sound nearly as wild as the stuff I used to do in my twenties and even thirties), I had to come home and act like a responsible mommy again. After unpacking and handling a bunch of laundry, I crashed early, thinking I’d be better rested and prepared to handle the next day. WRONG! After eleven solid hours of sleep, I still had to drag myself out of bed, and then drag myself through the morning. I did manage to get out for an hour-long walk, and I did spend another hour outside with Pixie spreading mulch (Pixie LOVES to spread mulch!). But those two activities apparently consumed my entire energy allotment for the day.

By noon, I caught myself nodding off while reading to Pixie. I sent her off to her room for some quiet time and I stole a short nap. Twenty minutes later, I got up, took a bath, and took another nap. Thirty minutes later, I dragged myself up to the office to pencil the next episode of the webcomic. And thirty minutes after that, I was back in bed again, taking yet another nap.

Obviously, I had a little more fun than I realized this weekend. Even worse, I may have eaten a bit more than I thought I did. Wii Fit tells me I put on a pound or so over the weekend. However, I still have 20 days left to lose those last eight pounds and achieve my weightloss goal!

Um, yeah.

I have been exercising. I have been trying to eat right. Yet, it seems I am still tired and a little overweight, in spite of my efforts. So I have to ask myself, fitness-wise, have I accomplished anything in the last two months since setting my initial goal to lose weight on the Wii Fit?

I’m going to give a guarded yes. My weight may still be stuck at around 150 lbs, but it is more often below 150 lbs than above it these days. And I have seen that elusive number, 145, on my scale a few times in the last month or so. I’m willing to blame water weight at this point for my weight gain this weekend, and my period (along with too much fun) for the feeling of general tiredness. The ups and downs of a menstrual cycle are just a part of the unpleasant facts of female life that Wii Fit doesn’t seem to understand or take into account when doing the daily body test. I wish it did. I also wish the Wii Fit could be programmed to deal with pregnancy (I’m planning on having one more child). Maybe some enterprising game designer will figure this out and a whole lot of women will be made very, very happy.

There have been other Wii Fit successes not related to my weight that I’m pleased with. My knees are doing much better. I’m lousy about taking my glucosamine and chondrotine supplements, and I just can’t seem to fit both exercise and physical therapy into my daily regimen. But Wii Fit seems to have corrected my posture enough that I no longer sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies when I head down the steps. Even better, I can now hold a nice deep cat stance during karate class without feeling any pain. My balance while performing kata has improved, and it feels good for the first time in a long time to head into the dojo for an hour or more of class.

I won’t be losing 8 lbs in the next twenty days. I might lose two pounds in that amount of time. I might lose a bit more if I really am carrying around some water weight right now. But I’m not going to be too upset about it if I fail to meet that initial goal I set. I’ll simply correct the things I haven’t been doing right, like eating more fruits and veggies, and get back on the Wii Fit wagon again. I’m looking at several weeks in a row without any trips out of town, so I think I’ll be okay. And maybe in the next few months, those pounds will come off. We’ll see how it goes.

I have never been big on yard work. Growing up, I can recall spending entire weekends devoted to raking cut grass, bagging up scratchy clippings from bushes, painting the back deck, etc. It was hot, sweaty, painful work, all of it, and I never enjoyed it.

In spite of all the yard work I did growing up, I never did learn how to do much more than rake and bag stuff and haul it to the curb. Mom just told me what to do, but never explained why we did certain chores at certain times (like she also told me what to do in the kitchen, but never taught me how to cook). So even though I’m forty years old, I’ve got this major disconnect about how to handle my lawn and garden. When do you actually plant stuff? When do you weed? How often do you water the lawn? And fertilizer! What do I do with that crap (pun intended)?

I’ve tried my hand at gardening. I’ve got two plots in the back yard, one of various perennial greens, and the other containing one giant rosemary bush and a lot of oregano. But there’s no grace to either garden really. I just sort of slapped them together with no idea of what would grow and what wouldn’t, what would look nice, and what would look like a tangle of weeds.

As for the rest of the yard? I’ve pretty much left that to Michael all these years. He handles the mowing, the watering, the edging, the deck and porch repairs, etc. In fact, he handles so much of it, I almost never have to go outside.

But that’s about to change. I need to get the kids outside more, and I need to get myself outside more. The fact is, I’m bored with going to the playground and chasing after the kids. It’s not that I don’t love my kids, but I really don’t fit into the jungle gyms they’ve got so all I can do is what most moms do at the playground – sit on my but and make sure my kids don’t fall and break their necks. It’s boring! If I’m going to be outside, I at least want to be doing something. And I want to be moving, because moving equals exercise, right?

So this is the plan. Last week, the Monday after we got back from Arkansas, I pulled out a bunch of peat pots and some soil, and the girls and I planted some seeds. Again, I have no idea what I’m doing. I let Pixie pick out most of the seeds. She selected corn, beans, tomatoes, and sunflowers. I did pick a few herbs out. I am most familiar with herb gardening, especially in small containers on my deck, so I think I can do okay there. But the plan is for the girls and I to try our hand at gardening together. Maybe we’ll all learn something. Maybe my children won’t grow up as gardening ignorant as I did. And maybe we’ll all have an enjoyable summer outside this year.

We’ve all got gardening tools. Mine is a mismatched collection accumulated from previous attempts at gardening; the girls collection as pretty much all plastic beach toys. But I figure we’ve got the basics. I’ve also got a couple of gardening books, including one called Trowel and Error: Over 700 Tips, Remedies and Shortcuts for the Gardener. I’ve flipped through it and am finally starting to see how some gardening concepts I’ve heard about fit together. Plus, it’s just a fun little book with all sorts of weird ideas that might be fun to try.

I can’t say I’ll do any better job gardening this year than I have in previous years. I am notorious for killing a lot of plants. But so far, two-thirds of the seeds we planted over a week ago have sprouted up, and I’ve managed to weed and mulch parts of the front yard. The fact that I know what mulch is and I know where to put it shows a huge improvement in my gardening skills already. Plus I spent three hours outside hacking up the lawn with a pick ax to get all this done, so you know I burned some calories. (Yes, I used a pick ax to weed and mulch my front yard. It was necessary. Have you seen the weeds in my yard?)

I am a little intimidated by my kids’ expectations. They keep jumping around, shouting “We’re growing a farm! A real live farm!” So there’s a little pressure on me to make sure something survives my black thumb. But at the very least, I’m sure we’ll all get plenty of fresh air and sunshine this spring and summer, and yours truly intends to drop a few pounds by
digging around in the dirt.

Or kill a lot of plants while trying.

I hate being sick. I had thought the cold I picked up before heading out to Vegas would be over within a week or so, but the damn thing has lingered, mutating into a sinus infection and sapping me of my will to live. I spent most of last week shuffling around the house, still one of the living dead. If I had energy, I made sure the exercise, but then I usually paid for it the next day by feeling dead again.

I talked to Patty, one of moms in the Screeching Harpies Moms’ Posse (we are NOT a mommies group), and found out she’d had similar problems, so at least I feel better knowing it’s not just a case of me being lazy. Something really is going around turning folks into zombies. But that knowledge still doesn’t solve the problem of getting me back on my feet. I really need to get back into the swing of things, and I’m wondering if I should just force myself to get back to karate and swimming (the toughest activities I do these days), or if I should just continue to languish around the house a few more days until I feel better.

Right now, I’m opting for somewhere in between. I’ve decided to get into the pool one day and do ten or so laps (not too many or I know I’ll be dead the next day), and then one other day spend half an hour on karate practice. I’m also trying to get back to daytime karate classes, because I’m too wiped out in the evenings, but I don’t know if I’m really up to that much exercise yet or not.

One other thing I’ve decided is that I do not have to do my exercise right off the bat, heading out for the gym or stepping on the Wii Fit as soon as the Princess is off to school. I’d rather ease into my day right now, taking a little time to do a few easy chores, get myself warmed up. And of course, take some time to play a little music to get myself into the mood to exercise.

This was a little trick I discovered yesterday that actually got me into the gym. I had already decided not to go workout. I’d focus on getting laundry done instead. But while I was doing laundry, I put ABBA in the CD player, and what do you know? In a few minutes, I was dancing around the bedroom. It only took two songs to get my blood pumping and raise my mood out of the depths of blah. I ended up throwing a few things into my gym bag as soon as the laundry was put away and heading out the door. I did 30 minutes of karate practice, and it felt good.

And naturally, I paid for it today. I over slept big time this morning, and have been dragging around all morning. I limped through karate class, and am struggling to stay awake through Princess’ swim class now. And I still have laundry to do when I get home.

Maybe I’ll play some more ABBA and that’ll wake me up in time to go out for the evening.